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Increasing Self-Esteem/High Expectations = failure


Hi Zorka!

 Recently I've been doing some self-evaluation so I can improve myself, and I found a common problem within: exceedingly high expectations. What causes someone to strive for perfection EVERY time and start self resentment when met with failure? At work I get frustrated when I don't know something, mainly because I expect myself to have everything PERFECT. If it isn't perfect, even if it's slightly off, I get mad at myself. How do I resolve this and get inner peace?

Thanks much!


Hi Frank,

As you probably already know your type of perfectionism is unhealthy and unrealistic. You seem to be of the type who strains compulsively and unceasingly towards unobtainable goals and who measures your self-worth by doing so. This type of perfectionism is also considered to be the 'neurotic' type.

The only way you can approach or deal with this perfectionism outside of some sort of cognitive-behavioral therapy is to think it through and discipline yourself to maintain realistic thinking.

For example, you must know that it is 'unreasonable' to expect perfection from yourself. No one is perfect and everything we do and learn takes time to accomplish well. When you learned to walk and talk as an infant it was through much trial, error and practice. You didn't walk or talk immediately! It took time and after much stumbling and faltering. This is true for every new activity or process that we undertake. We start by trying, then we fumble and make mistakes and then we learn.

Don't be so hard on yourself! It will take self-discipline and patience to develop the mindset of 'real' accomplishment and perfection.

All the best!

Increasing Self-Esteem

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Zorka Hereford


I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.


I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.

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Visit my website at to read my many personal development articles.

I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.

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