Increasing Self-Esteem/negative talk/verbal abuse


I have a problem of negative talking and I am left thinking did I just say that?  There is a supervisor at work who swears every night and runs me down to other workers and it is not just me.  It seems he has has had an issue with every worker there and he has no people skills.  I believe he is the biggest reason I mutter bad words and it is not directed at me.  I am afraid the person around me will think I am talking about him or her.
One time at the bank as I was leaving I must of muttered a bad word as a teller said he just called you a bad name and it was not directed at her.  
With verbal abuse I suffered on days and the behaviour of the supervisor, hurting my self esteem and running me and the other workers down and hearing him swear in his aisle alone working, I believe are the causes of this negative bad words I am saying.
A former co worker told me to eliminate negative muttering, think about good things instead of bad.  Just try to always think of happy thoughts, for me it is a pleasant smell.  The key he said is to train my thoughts to positive thinking but I do not know how best to do that.  I find I am pressing my lips closed often at work or outside work as I am afraid of saying something bad and i do not want to be left thinking did I just say that? and I do not want anyone near me to think I am referring to him or her.
Are there any books you could please recommend? that will help me to stop this negative talk so I can look and feel and behave like a new person without this negative behaviour.
Thank you for your help.

Hi Jeff,

First of all, if you know that someone else's bad behaviour is not necessarily directed at you, but a result of bad manners or undisciplined habits, you must learn to not take it personally. You have already indicated that your supervisor swears at everyone and takes his frustrations out on the staff, so why is it affecting your self-esteem? Surely you are not that fragile; nor are you at the mercy of being defined by somene else's opinions of you.

Secondly, it sounds like you are becoming just like that person by engaging in negative talk and reacting badly to situations you have no control over. The truth is we all have to take responsibility for our thoughts and our behaviours. We all have the ability to discipline ourselves to behave appropriately. Like everything else, it takes practice. Start by being aware of when you think and talk negatively and then determine what is more acceptable behaviour. Then do it!

I've written an article that you might find helpful. It all comes down to you making the commitment to think and behave appropriate to the situation. I this helps:

All the best to you!

Increasing Self-Esteem

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Zorka Hereford


I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.


I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.

Toastmasters International

Visit my website at to read my many personal development articles.

I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.

©2017 All rights reserved.