Increasing Self-Esteem/Shyness with a guy


Hi Zorka,

I am going to ask something which will possibly make you roll your eyes, but to me, this is something which is really, really affecting me and bringing me down: I like a guy, and can't bring myself to speak with him.

I met him at a party about a year ago, we had so much fun together, and so much to talk about. Since then, we hardly ever spoke, and even when we get the perfect chance to, I act like a total uninterested jerk (even though he knows fully well that I like him, and I know he likes me). For a long time even seeing him made me completely anxious and shaky and tense as a broom. I couldnt even bring out a 'hello'. I hated myself and still do, that I never took the chances I had to make a fire out of the spark. I am desperate, it is bringing me down A LOT, and I can't feel anything for another guy before this is out of the way. I am so scared and angry and feel like a failure. It's all because of a guy, but I know that in actual fact, it is something much deeper that I need to address...only I don't know what I need to address and how I should do it.

I hope you can halfway follow my situation and how I feel, and I really hope you have something to help me get this out of the way.

Many thanks,


Hi Rebekka,

You don't mention how old you are because your age and life experience make a world of difference in this situation. If you are fairly young, this is not unusual behaviour for a young person. Most people go through stages of feeling awkward and foolish when they first start meeting new people they are interested in.

I would suggest that you not be so hard on yourself and practice making conversation with young men that don't make you nervous (mostly because you are not that interested). Eventually your shyness will wear off and you will feel more comfortable and confident. It's like anything else in life, the more exposure and experience you have at it, the better you become. The worst thing to do is beat yourself up over it. We are all human and go through difficult and awkward stages in life.

All the best to you!

Increasing Self-Esteem

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Zorka Hereford


I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.


I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.

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Visit my website at to read my many personal development articles.

I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.

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