Increasing Self-Esteem/self-esteem issue


hello ravindra,
this is something that happens fairly constantly. i was at a restaurant sitting down enjoying myself, when i noticed two young ladies walk in toward the front counter. i'm a big guy with a big beard, and i thought that at least one of them would have turned their heads very briefly. i was upset that i didn't grab their attention. i like the idea of being unique. but, this situation made me feel just like any other average person with nothing special that sticks out. why do you think i was overlooked? how shall i better prepare for it if it happens again. what can i tell myself? please give some pointers on how to quickly get over
this issue. thank you very much for your time!

first, i dont know your age. the need to be appreciated is universal but this is not done only by looking at you or acknowledging your presence. it is only when you get to know the person and he/she appreciates the qualities in you. your being a big guy is only a starter but later you need to back it up with sterling qualities like attentiveness, honesty, humour, sincerity, being good at some skill or job etc.

so stop focussing on checking if others are looking at you or not, start improving your qualities, find out what you are good at, and then make friends. the quality of friendships count and not their number.

when you grow up you will find that what matters is NOT others think of you but what YOU think of yourself. if you falter every time and feel miserable when  someone snubs you it means that you are looking at the wrong end of the camera. first focus on yourself, evaluate your good points, sharpen them and do not bother to attract others. they will come as a consequence of your qualities. You are right when you say you want to be unique. That is the direction. be unique but don't expect others to appreciate you for this. if they do OK, but if they dont it is no big deal. that is the balanced view and healthy in the long run

in the long run you need to understand the main thing to focus on is to acquire skills, rely on yourself and make friends not for their appreciation of you but for their qualities.

now in the case of the ladies in the cafe, if you felt great if one of them looked at you then you are using the wrong scale. You are the scale not them. measure yourself first and last.

good luck.
Ravindra M.G.

Increasing Self-Esteem

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i am in the field of self-improvement, hypnosis, natural treatment of simple disorders etc for the past 30 years.(age 69). Retd. Engineer and well-settled in life with good coping skills


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