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Increasing Self-Esteem/Should I leave social media?

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QUESTION: Long story short : My past is weird. It's something I want to forget, run away from in every way. I used to have a form of disability and I used to be the uber weird kid in school and even during my undergrad. Many, I mean MANY of the people I have now in my social networking sites (Facebook) have seen me then, and I am really embarrassed thinking of those times.

I got okay eventually, the anxiety just maxed out and then died, I was 'normal' suddenly. I then came to grad school. I was hoping to make a good memory, but things became messed up for other reasons.

A girl fell for me, and I fell for her. And nothing really happened, but at one point she didn't want to be friends, and given that I hadn't had any prior romantic interactions, I completely failed to take her hints. She eventually got mad at me, and the story of my inability to take social cues was all around campus. I was a 'stalker', 'creeper' etc. She later felt bad (1 year later), and we got in touch. I told her I still had feelings for her, she said it was okay. We did have some good times as friends. The day I graduated though, we had a fight and I think somehow news spread that I touched her inappropriately or harassed her in some way, which she mentioned based on things that happened in between when we were friends (I didn't know she felt that way when it happened).

I feel uncomfortable because no one really interacts with me on Facebook from the 500 odd friends I have. In the days I used to have the anxiety problem, I wished everyday to just pass and die, but I have responsibilities to my parents. Life was so so good when that phase ended. I was never happier, I left life again, and I thought kindness is important for the gift of this freedom. But I've accumulated a bad memory again due to the series of events with her.

I just can't be the same, or get into romance with a girl or even go and talk. I was kind of shy about my socializing skills from the start because during the days I had anxiety I used to stay indoors mostly.

I work now, and work is great and nobody knows about my anxiety past.

When I was weird, I troubled a lot of people and I was the freak of the block. Mostly the friends I have since then are nice people who've forgiven me (I guess), but I am still embarrassed of that past, and would like to do away with the memory. I feel bad for wishing away those who overlooked my madness for years too. They aren't in close touch with me, but it would be rude of course if I just unfriended them. That's reason one.

After the anxiety phase, came the bad memory of the heart break. The troublesome memory is only a bit that I miss her, but mostly that I feel bad being seen as a pervert/creep. To add to this, I had a friend who would publicly make fun of my less than impressive socializing skills. It's just that I am troubled by these two memories. And I have 'friends' from both these eras and circles who don't interact with me. I want to be able to start anew, but I can't bring myself to be rude to the many people by unfriending them or vanish from social media (I have a few friends I interact with like about 5 from the 500).

I can't accept that some people probably see me as a pervert or a creep who can't understand hints (though it was true in the beginning with her), or that I harassed a girl.  

So, should I delete my Facebook to escape the past? I have thought of it so many times. The last picture I took of myself was in 2013 in Facebook. Are these feelings something a lot of people go through.

I think the bottom issue is I feel embarrassed about episodes on my past, and I am deterred from socializing due to it. And I allow anyone around me, and I used to be violent (during my anxiety phase), so nowadays I overthink and feel upset on being rude to people because I feel guilty for having hurt others in the past.

QUESTION : So, what do I do about this awkwardness I feel in social media based on earlier memories and a majority people not interacting?

Thank you, sorry for the long post, I am not so good in describing these things.

ANSWER: Hi Jay,

I seems to me that the major negative feeling seems to be anxiety. And if this is so, we should start off how to trkeat anxiety attacks, and then move onto other issues. Please read;

Beating Anxiety and Phobias
         http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/beating-anxiety-and-phobias/

If this works for you I suggest you complete our self-help psychotherapy course, that should give all the social skills to satisfy your other needs.  Study

Nine weeks Psychotherapy Course:
  http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2012/psychotherapy-summary-of-the-psychotherapy-c

If you want you could Skype me at  jurplesman between 2-5pm Australia tike.

___________________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutrition
Editor of the Hypoglycemic Association of Australia
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
List of my articles: https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1M3x0ciu21Q8-KJO3tcIuxE-Mn97OIxCKzuhHDY8umrU#id.m9k24s-yjf9sc
Skype:jurplesman
Also at Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/183150461841144/


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I think the main issue is a lot of my school friends have soared ahead in life with degrees from Ivy league schools and I just have a load of embarrassing memories.

The whole anxiety phase is a thing of the past. The memories and the "time blost" are what trouble me I think. That's probably why I keep great effort to eat well and look young. Because I want to be young - like my peers.

I may add you on Skype sometime. Thank you. Are these set of emotions something people feel?

Answer
Perhaps you want to discuss this via skype. My Skype name is jurplesman

___________________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutrition
Editor of the Hypoglycemic Association of Australia
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
List of my articles: https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1M3x0ciu21Q8-KJO3tcIuxE-Mn97OIxCKzuhHDY8umrU#id.m9k24s-yjf9sc
Skype:jurplesman
Also at Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/183150461841144/  

Increasing Self-Esteem

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Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist

Expertise

I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Postgraduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition. I am also the author of “GETTING OFF THE HOOK” which deals with the nutritional and psychological treatment of personality disorders. It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. I am interested in the relationship between nutrition and behaviour, and as a Probation ans Parole Officer facilitated groups for offenders, many of whom were alcoholics and drug addicts, sex offenders or compulsive gamblers, as well as the whole gamut of “personality disorders”. I am also the ex-editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia Newsletter, a quarterly publication dealing with hypoglycemia and related health problems. Its web site, together with a shortened course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited at: http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au

Experience

Depression, Anxiety Attacks and Self-Esteem Problems, Drug Addiction and Alcoholism, Gambling, as well as the whole gamut of personality disorders.

Publications
Author of the book "Getting off the Hook". It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search. My articles can be found at: https://docs.google.com/document/pub?id=1M3x0ciu21Q8-KJO3tcIuxE-Mn97OIxCKzuhHDY8umrU#id.m9k24s-yjf9sc

Education/Credentials
BA (Psych) (University of Sydney), Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr (International Academy of Nutrition)

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