AboutJurriaan Plesman Expertise I have a degree in Psychology from the Sydney University and a Post Graduate Diploma in Clinical Nutrition. I have had many years of counselling people with a variety of emotional problems, such as Depression, Anxiety Attacks and Self-Esteem Problems, Drug Addiction and Alcoholism, Gambling, as well as the whole gamut of personality disorders.
I am also the editor of the Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia. It web site, with a self-help course of PSYCHOTHERAPY can be visited free of charge at:
http://hypoglycemia.asn.au
Degrees & Certifications:
BA (Psychology) Sydney University and Post Grad Dipl Clin Nutr
Experience Depression, Anxiety Attacks and Self-Esteem Problems, Drug Addiction and Alcoholism, Gambling, as well as the whole gamut of personality disorders.
Publications Author of the book "Getting off the Hook". It is freely available on the internet at Google Book Search.
Question Hi jurriaan, my name's eddie and I am 15 years old and am a sophomore in high school. I've been going through a serious problem for almost five years now where I simply can't talk to people. It's not that I CAN'T talk to people, it's just that when I go into a conversation I never know exactly what to say. Some people believe I'm really funny, but most of those people are my really close guy friends who can relate to what I'm saying. This is sort of a problem revolving around girls. I wouldn't consider myself shy around girls. I've just said some really dumb stuff in the past, so I've dropped back a little when it comes to talking to girls or anybody for that matter. I feel like as the years go by, talking to people slowly becomes easier, but I'm watching all my friends picking up new friends and new girlfriends left and right (by the way, I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl). This is really becoming a self-esteem issue, which is where I draw the line. I'm just getting tired of not being able to express myself to others and to make friends. All the past times I've tried reaching out to girls (or guys), I always just get that weird "okaaaaay..." look. I really want to make new friends and try to form new relationships with people and maybe finally find a real girlfriend. I would ask a girl out any day if I knew that on that date, I would be able to talk to her and be at least slightly interesting to her at the same time. It's such a blurry confusion to me right now. I feel SO bad every time I come to that awkward moment in all my conversations where there's dead silence for like 5 minutes and/or they leave without saying a word. I don't think I've actually been approached by somebody, I've always had to approach them and strike up a conversation and have failed every time. I'm getting tired of it and I've wished that I could just get by this issue that I have. I don't know, it could be shyness, but I just feel that if I had something clever, humorous, or interesting to say, I would say it. Things have never seemed to work right in this section of my life. I've looked around the Internet for help but I've never actually come across a really good solution. I have learned that it might be a self-confidence issue, which is why I came to you initially, but I've tried to fix that as well. If you have any answers for me at all about what I could possibly do, please tell me (and I really do mean anything). If you know any good websites or anything along those lines that would be of great help as well. I really do want to learn this "Giant Secret" about how to talk to girls and friends without any real issues. Anything you write back is widely appreciated. Thank you.
Answer Hi Eddie,
Im know how you feel and I also know that the self-image lies at the core of our personality. In other words if we want to establish relationships with anybody, we MUST feel comfortable about ourselves. If you don't feel comfortable, you may tend to think that other people think the same way about you, the way you think about yourselves. In other words we tend to believe that other people have a low opinion of us, because we don't realize that we ourselves have a low opinion of the self.
This can be overcome with therapy. The first you have to realize that having a low self regard is NOT ALWAYS psychological. If for instance we have a metabolic disorder hat pumps stress hormones into the system, we will most likely develop a low self-esteem. Every time we are under the slightest stress, too much adrenaline is spoiling your encounter with other people.
Fortunately excess adrenaline production can be treated with a change in diet. Please read:
Or you could read my book "Getting off the Hook" and start reading at page 36. Google search for the book, it is freely available on the internet.
We also have a Communication Course that helps you to communicate at a more natural level with people. The key concept is that you have to feel alright about yourself to start off with. Learn about empathy as distinguished from sympathy.
Give yourself time to study the course and practise it mentally until you start to feel confident about yourself. Once you feel more confident, you will be able to put it into practice. Don't try to force yourself until you have studied the course.
I bet you will enjoy the course.
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Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutr
Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
