AboutAnil Expertise Indian culture could be a subject for a lifetime, but I can answer general questions regarding the Indian culture. I can answer questions relating to relationships, family, religion, and education in the context of the Indian culture.I have lived in the US for about 10 years and therefore can answer some cross-culture type questions.
Experience I was born and raised in India. I lived in India for about 25 years before I came to the US. I lived in the US for 10 years, but in those ten years, I had closed ties in India, so I am quite familiar with the Indian culture and the mainstream Indian society. I have always been fascinated by culture and diversity, so I can give a critical analysis of some of the cross cultural issues. I have conducted culture related training programs to educate visitors to India.
Question Hello. I'm erin. I recently met a man in my town who is from india. we spent
months shyly grinning at eachother before he finally got up the nerve to ask
me for my phone number. he asked me to marry him the first time we ever
went out. we've been 'dating' for a couple of months now. although he works
so much we really don't get to see one another that often (or for very long)
because he works a lot and he has to sort of sneak over here after work and
then he has to go back home right away because all of the family eats
together at night after they close their restaurant.
i think he is amazing but i am terrified. i am so used to men in
america who are liars and users and this man assures me that he is not. he
always says "i am not mean. I am not selfish". he tells me that he wants to
marry me and have children with me. he stays with an indian family in my
town. (he works for them and lives with them). i just need to know more
about his culture. he is a sikh as well and tells me that he knows how to
respect a woman which is amazing. i'm just nervous. he's never spent the
night. he says that in indian culture it is bad to stay with a woman unless you
are married (but we have had sex) so i don't understand. he works a lot so I
only get to see him a few times a week but he is always talking about
marriage and I don't know what to think or how to feel. I've met several of his
friends and co-workers and they are always so open and nice and friendly to
me and they are always telling me how lucky we both are to be with one
another. I don't know enough about his culture as to what to expect/how to
act/what to think. when i am
with him i am completely at ease. i love him. i want to be with him. i'm just so
scared that somehow it's all a trick and that he's just using me to stay in
america. please help me. tell me more about the culture so i can access my
situation better with him. he told me that he loves me too and that he wants
to be with me. one of his good friends also told me that he's got a 'golden
heart' and that he is 'in love with me'. help me! i want to believe it so bad but
i've been tricked so much in my life i am terrified. I need to know about the
indian culture and their beliefs on relationships/marriage.. etc. are there any
books that can help me understand?
Answer Hi Erin,
I read your question and I can understand your concern in this relationship. Although you have not mentioned your age, I am assuming that you do have enough years and experience with relationships. However, it is unclear if your friend is old enough and mature enough to understand serious relationships. There is a possibility that he is still not past the age of “playing games”. During my stay in the US, I noticed that when guys are in their adolescence years, they are highly prone to be “playing games” in the dating world. And as they mature, they appreciate (hopefully) the value of a true and sincere relationship.
Unfortunately in India, and also among the Indian community in the US, dating is not a widely accepted social practice. Therefore, you would sense a lot of immaturity and a not so serious attitude towards relationships. That does not imply that he is not a good relationship candidate. But it means that you may often feel disappointed because your relationship-expectations may not be as you would expect them to be.
In the past, I have suggested some of the questioners (with similar question like yours) to put your relationship through some tests. It doesn’t sound very romantic, but it does give you some feeling of reassurance about the relationship. Its easy for people to play the nice guy under normal and easy circumstances. But its the tough situations that actually puts to test a persons character. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr "The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." Although he may have used these words in the context of leadership traits, I feel these words are also very true even in our interpersonal relationships.
Try to do things which would push him out of his comfort zone and reveal some of his hidden nature. It may not be very appealing to you, but may be worth a try. Especially if you are considering for the long term.
I hope all works out well for you and you have a very fulfilling relationship.
