AboutAnil Expertise Indian culture could be a subject for a lifetime, but I can answer general questions regarding the Indian culture. I can answer questions relating to relationships, family, religion, and education in the context of the Indian culture.I have lived in the US for about 10 years and therefore can answer some cross-culture type questions.
Experience I was born and raised in India. I lived in India for about 25 years before I came to the US. I lived in the US for 10 years, but in those ten years, I had closed ties in India, so I am quite familiar with the Indian culture and the mainstream Indian society. I have always been fascinated by culture and diversity, so I can give a critical analysis of some of the cross cultural issues. I have conducted culture related training programs to educate visitors to India.
Expert: Anil Date: 6/8/2008 Subject: Indian culture/parenting
Question Hi,
I work with special needs children and run across many Indian families in my work because of the area I live in (all different cultures are very well represented here, and it is a slightly affluent area).
In my experience, it seems that the Indian parents are excessively concerned with their child's lack of academic progress. Not that all of the parents aren't concerned, but they just seem to push SO much harder. It's great to be so involved and concerned but the majority of the Indian families I've worked with just push their kids way too hard (and the kids generally shut down under so much pressure), and seem to be angry/unhappy with the child for not understanding something or not performing well.
Can you provide any insight into this for me? Thanks so much for your time!
Answer Hi Lisa,
There are two aspects of the observation you made about the Indian parents in the United States. First, it has to do a bit with the parenting style in the Indian culture. Secondly, it has to do with the flawed perception (among the Indian community) of education.
Most kids you may have encountered are the children of parents born and raised in India. So I will give you a brief idea from where the parents are coming from.
Traditionally, India has been a patriarchal (and hierarchical) society. Which means, its the father (or in some cases the grand father) who has the most power and authority in the decision making within the family. As far as parenting is concerned, as compared to the American style, in India, parenting is much more authoritarian, appears much more controlling and dictatorial, and demands unconditional obedience and unquestioned compliance of parents’ wishes.
Now coming to the second point - that's the parents (from the Indian culture) perception of education. Before I elaborate more on this, let me give you a high level break up of the Indian community in the United States. There are some who come from the business community, and the rest are professionals in different sectors. It is likely that you are dealing more with the later. These are people who made it to the US after clearing the barriers of some very tight and stringent immigration requirements of the United States. 'Good Education' is the single most important factor that enabled most of these Indians to immigrate to the US. Therefore these parents, mostly high achievers in academics and then in their chosen profession, have experienced what good education can do to your life. They believe, and know quite well that getting good education is the passport to success and making it big life. And there is no problem with this principle. However, the problem kicks in when these people fail to recognize the following things
- that their children may have inherited a different level of intellect and the ability to work hard
- that good grades is not the same as good education
- that academic excellence does not guarantee success in life
- that they may have enjoyed some subtle benefits of the hierarchical society in India, but their children may not have the same luxury in the US
Also, a lot of the people in the Indian community somehow have the perception that the grades in school is an accurate measurement of their child's intellect and performance. Which means that good grades translates/reflects the high level of intellect and good performance. And hence they are in the desperate race for good grades. What's even worse is that lot of these parents love to compare the relative performance of their child (relative to the children of their peers). Which leads to even more pressure on the kid to perform.
I am giving you my personal email address, "alisha_kale@yahoo.com", and I would like to hear from you more of your observations about the Indian parenting approach.
I would like to end with an interesting quote by Eleanor Roosevelt, "To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart."
