AboutAnil Expertise Indian culture could be a subject for a lifetime, but I can answer general questions regarding the Indian culture. I can answer questions relating to relationships, family, religion, and education in the context of the Indian culture.I have lived in the US for about 10 years and therefore can answer some cross-culture type questions.
Experience I was born and raised in India. I lived in India for about 25 years before I came to the US. I lived in the US for 10 years, but in those ten years, I had closed ties in India, so I am quite familiar with the Indian culture and the mainstream Indian society. I have always been fascinated by culture and diversity, so I can give a critical analysis of some of the cross cultural issues. I have conducted culture related training programs to educate visitors to India.
Expert: Anil Date: 7/22/2008 Subject: Indian men--pursuit?
Question I'm a massage therapist in Texas, and I've attracted 3 Indian men who have behaved toward me in a way that's above and beyond what men in American culture do, so I'm wondering about it being a cultural thing, versus meaning that something's wrong with their personalities.
One man I gave a massage to last night. He told me he wanted to be friends and I said okay. This afternoon, he sent me an 'edible arrangement' (fruit) delivered to me as a thank you for my massage, and telling me he was looking forward to our friendship.
When another Indian man called me for a massage, I was away that week and didn't return any business calls. The American men, who'd called for a massage, only called once or twice and then gave up. But this Indian man left me a whole bunch of messages, such that when I returned and saw how many, I didn't call him back, because it was Too Much (like something's wrong with him). He continued to leave messages for weeks. One of his final messages to me said, "I don't know why you don't return my calls. As long as you have your ad in the paper, I'm going to call you every week". And he does so.
The third Indian man, I met on a massage exchange website. I was going to do an exchange with him then I decided I didn't have time for that and I told him I was too busy, and I would call him, when I was ready. The American men I told this to, left me alone. But this Indian man continued to call me, leaving excessive messages and emails, wondering how I was, wanting to get together. I ended up telling him No, a few times. He still continues every great once in a while to attempt to make contact.
So what's up with these guys?
One I tell No to directly. One I give him the indirect no of not returning his calls at all. The other one, he paid me for a massage, and the next day sends me an elaborate arrangement of fruit. I'm thinking, I has to be something culture, because all of these men are Indian.
What do you recommend I do?
Thanks
Answer Hi Stephanie,
Although you have not mentioned your age and the age of the guys you are dealing with, I am assuming that you do have enough years and experience with relationships. However, I doubt if the guys you have mentioned are old enough and mature enough to understand serious relationships. There is a possibility that these guys have still not gone past the age of "playing games". Maybe they are still in that phase of getting some form of excitement from their raging testosterones. During my stay in the US, I noticed that when guys are in their adolescence years, they are highly prone to be "playing games" in the dating world. And as they mature, they appreciate (hopefully) the value of a true and sincere relationship.
Before I try to tell you what should you do, let me attempt to give you some insight into the underlying reasons for the behavior you have just mentioned in your question.
The Indian culture, in my view, can be characterized as a conservative culture embedded with lots of double standards. There are people who set the bar for a person's behavior in public and it would be amazing to see how these people behave in private. In public people may pretend that they do things and support certain actions because they believe in some “Higher Principles” (as prescribed by their religion). However, in private they show total contempt and disregard for these so called higher principles. This is very clearly manifested when these people are free of their suppressive environment. Under the pretext of culture and traditions, many men (and women) have to restrict their vices. Therefore, these people are all ready to explore as soon as they find themselves in an environment that frees them from their traditional restrictions - sex, alcohol, drugs, smoking etc etc. Besides, the influence of mass media in the Indian mindset has done a good job with creating a glamorous image of women from the western world. Women from the west are perceived to be glamorous, attractive, sexy, open-minded, fun loving, and easily approachable. So you have to remember that these guys are acting so because of the stereotype images of the girl from the west. I mean you would not see similar behavior (as experienced by you) if you were a lady from India.
Now let me apprise you a bit on the dating practice in India. Back in India, and also among the Indian community in the US, dating is not a widely accepted social practice. Therefore, you would sense a lot of immaturity and a not so serious attitude towards relationships. That does not imply that these guys are not good relationship candidates. But it means that you may often feel disappointed because your relationship-expectations may not be as you would expect them to be.
Having given you some of the probable reasons for what you have just seen, what should you do? I suppose that it would be a call you would have to take based on your judgment. With the guy who has approached you for friendship, maybe you want give it a shot for a casual relationship, and see how things progress. Maybe you can enrich you cultural experience with a cross-cultural relationship.
As far as the ones who are simply calling you (and you have not even met them), I suppose you could speak to them and give them a chance to speak their mind (once), and then take a call after that. I think its okay to subscribe to the principle "presume that most people are innocent until proven guilty."
So I guess, my message to you would be, approach with caution, and explore what's awaiting you. As someone as right said, "Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, and NEVER regret anything that made you smile. Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we should dance".
