AboutDr. Silvia Schneider Fox Expertise I can answer questions related to the emotional aspects of infertility. Topics with which I can help include:
Common emotional responses to infertility.
Coping with the "fertile world".
Maintaining the health of your relationsips during fertility treatment.
Understanding one's partner's experience.
Making decisions about family-building and adoption.
I cannot answer medical or legal questions nor questions that would demand a specific psychological evaluation of your situation.
Experience I have been a clinical psychologist in the field of reproductive medicine, adoption and family building since 1992, when I first began counseling individuals and couples in various stages of family building. I facilitate a range of support groups and workshops. I have trained with infertility pioneer Dr. Alice Domar and I lead a Ten-Week Mind-Body Program based on her research. I conduct evaluations with intended parents and candidates for egg donation, sperm donation and surrogacy. I have conducted research on the subject of coping with infertility. I wrote my doctoral dissertation on the topic of "Gender Differences in Coping in Men and Women Undergoing IVF".
I have written and presented extensively on the subject of infertility. I have written a regular "Ask the Expert" column in the RESOLVE of Illinois magazine. I have been a keynote speaker and a presenter at symposia, seminars and professional conferences and I have been interviewed on radio, television and in print. I have served on the Board of Directors of RESOLVE (the national infertility association) between 1993 and 2003.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Illinois Psychological Association
American Society of Reproductive Medicine
Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology
RESOLVE
American Fertility Association
Chicago Area Professionals in Adoption and Family Building
Education/Credentials In 1988, I graduated Magna cum Laude with a BA in Psychology and in Special Education from Tel Aviv University. I began the MA program at Tel Aviv U. and in 1989, upon moving to Chicago, I transferred to the Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology at The Chicago School of Professional Psychology. In 1994, I graduated from the program with honors.
Question My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 7 years. We have tried using clomid and IUI. Our last shot is IUI with injectable drugs. I'm not sure what to do because the cost is around $5,000. We have already spent so much. We have discussed adoption and are both fine with it. Adoption will also cost a heck of a lot too. So I'd hate to spent $5,000 and not get pregnant and then go towards adoption. I just don't know how to give up on my dream of carrying my own baby. At this point I just want to be a MOM!
Answer Danielle,
You are saying two very powerful things: "I don't know how to give up my dream of carrying my own baby" and "I just want to be a mom".
Figuring out which of these statements you feel most strongly will be your clue as to how you should proceed. If the dream of being a mom is stronger than anything else--then you may be ready for adoption. If the dream of carrying your own baby is stronger, then you need to exhaust all the medical options before you can actually pursue adoption and that means doing the IUI cycle--or getting a second opinion as to other medical options available to you. In the end, you need to be able to grieve the image of your biological child before you can make room for the image of an adopted child. You may or may not be there already.
