AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging.
Experience I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 4/15/2008 Subject: In-law Troubles, considering divorce
Question Hello,
I am miserable. Not sure if you can help. I have been with my husband for almost 10 years now. We have consistently been pulled in to help his sister who won't keep a consistent job and his mother. My husband feel totally obligated to do almost anything they ask of him and I am from a totally different back ground where you do what you need to do to live your own life becuase asking for help is not an option. I think he totally disregards my input and opinion becuase of his neice. Because he says he is doing this to ultimately help her b/c she's not of age yet, we give to them at least every few months. My feeling is that we should take the niece until the mom can get herself together but he feels I won't treat her right possibly and that she would be much happier where she is that we should just help her. That pisses me off as well becuase I feel like they are still first. He'd reather be completely pissed off with me than address this with his sister when a situation errupts. We have a 2.5 yr old son/ I never imagined raising him like this but I am thinking about divorce. Any thoughts? I don't think this will work out. I can only forsee us continuing this until we die. I can't live like this.
Answer Kimberly,
So leave out the fact that his sister is flake. You have a husband that is trying to do the right thing for his niece who didn't deserve having a flaky mother and you are mad at that? I think what you may be mad at is that you are getting ignored in the process. Helping out another person because they are in dire straits is something that should be admired not despised. It sounds that husband may not communicate with you in the best you. I would imagine a big part of that is the constant venom you probably pour out to him. If you came alongside him and supported him I think your relationship would be much different. Yet, this will be difficult because it means putting your selfish desires aside to help someone else who is not as blessed as you are. I would also suggest seeing a therapist to figure out a better way to communicate with one another.
David
www.help4life.net
