About SDW Expertise I would be happy to answer any questions regarding any situation you have with your inlaws. I have been married for many years, have been church affiliated and/or a staff member for over 20 years, and have counseled many people in that capacity. I take pride in providing answers that will give honest insight and concrete direction to go forward like many of the wellknown advice counselors. I believe that being a shoulder for you to lean on is important but much more important is advice that you can put into action to make your life better!
Experience I have several years of psychology education, many years of counseling experience, and have been very helpful in my own family. It is a wonderful feeling to realize that you have helped others and made their lives better.
Education/Credentials Many years of church counseling, Several years of psychology course work, BSA in accounting, and MBA candidate.
Expert: SDW Date: 4/26/2008 Subject: wont leave the nest
Question Hi
My brother in law is 45 and still lives at home.
He says he needs to take care of his Mom and Dad but they are still quite capable of looking after each other and in fact take vacations together without him.
He has worked a seasonal summer job for years and collects unemployment benefits every winter.He has no intention of finding a full time job.
He has no friends and spends his time reading comic books and watching TV.He is intelligent because he attended university and majored in history.I think he dropped out.
I would like to see him be more independant and get a life,and I know it bothers my wife and parents in law,but their opinion is he just needs more time to grow up.
I havent brought it up,but feel the need to talk to someone about it.
I have always been independant and self made,so it kind of rankles me.
He also has come down with diabetes.He is on medication but still eats like he used to-lots of sweets and junk food.
He also tends to be a 'big talker' at family gatherings or with other people,claiming he has done all these exciting things in his like like being a professional athelete.He is starting to tell this baloney to my young kids who think he is great.
If you didnt know him however you would believe him.
I know I should just forget about it but I see the guy all the time and he is starting to get on my nerves.
Any thoughts appreciated
Answer I understand your frustration with your brother in law. If your kids were not involved I would simply agree with you that you should forget about it. However, if your children look up to him and believe what he says than you have a responsibility to stop his influence.
I would suggest a family talk with this man. You shouldn't do it alone so talk to your wife and family members about your concerns. Remind them that children are impressionable and that his lies are not appropriate for them and that you all should confront him regarding this.
Use the welfare of the children to make your argument and appeal to their sense of responsibility. Be careful not to sound angry or portray that you do not like your brother in law because that will remove the focus from your concern for the children and put it on your issues with the brother in law. If you go about it correctly you will help your children, the family, and your brother in law all at once.
