About SDW Expertise I would be happy to answer any questions regarding any situation you have with your inlaws. I have been married for many years, have been church affiliated and/or a staff member for over 20 years, and have counseled many people in that capacity. I take pride in providing answers that will give honest insight and concrete direction to go forward like many of the wellknown advice counselors. I believe that being a shoulder for you to lean on is important but much more important is advice that you can put into action to make your life better!
Experience I have several years of psychology education, many years of counseling experience, and have been very helpful in my own family. It is a wonderful feeling to realize that you have helped others and made their lives better.
Education/Credentials Many years of church counseling, Several years of psychology course work, BSA in accounting, and MBA candidate.
Question I have been with with my husband a total of almost 5 years and married for 2 years. My in laws are have made my life miserable from the beginning of us dating. They have continually made remarks to me about my weight and I not obese. My father in law gets into my personal space and gets toooooo close to me and has even touched me and it makes me have an uncomfortable feeling. They have a hold on my husband, so he thinks he has to please them or he feels guilty. They have also been very, very overbearing!! I can't stand them and get anxiety attacks when they are around me!! I could go on and on about the things they do to me and I don't want to take the abuse from them and more. I also, don't want our 9 month old daughter around them and their weird ways. My husband and I have talked to them about it, but it doesn't stop. What do I do now?? I really want to cut all ties with them.
Answer If you feel that your father in law has touched you in inappropriate ways then you must protect yourself and possibly your daughter. Remember that there are alot of people out there that feel that their opinions are important enough to be shared. In the case of feeling that others are overweight, ugly, mean, annoying, or any other issue that someone else could have against another person, these people should keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves. And if they are common enough not to keep their mouths shut then you don't have to listen. I understand how much it hurts to be talked about and to have others say things that are hateful and obviously rude. You have a choice, you can give power to a hateful person who has said ugly things to you or you can diffuse the situation by realizing that their opinions and comments are ignorant. Just as you would dismiss a used car salesman or a rude teenager, these people are not worth the effort of listening much less responding to their rantings.
Unfortunately, your husband's parents are always going to be there and so you must find a way to be in the family without being hurt by them. My suggestion is to limit your time with them to what you can handle. When contemplating a family event, that you know you will be around the worst offenders, always have an escape plan. Do not allow yourself to be drawn in to conversations with people that have shown themselves to be untrustworthy and hateful. Keep a watchful and careful eye on your daughter but remember that if you call attention to their ways then she will focus on it. If you ignore it then she will too and you won't have to worry.
