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Inlaw Relations/Father-in -law is half hearted grandfather


nicola wrote at 2009-03-13 03:03:00
Very well put.  You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.  You cannot force an older person to be someone he is not.  Many grandfathers are not comfortable with children, and are  more at ease with older kids.   I think that you acted disrespectfully, and quite unkindly, and your actions no doubt hurt your husband and kids.  In order to have good family relations one has to learn to live and let live, and watch the words that come out of one's mouth.  Hope all works out, and you treat him with kindness and respect.  The whole family will benefit -- I also hope you apologize to him.  I wish you and your family all the best.

DIL and first time mom at 40 wrote at 2012-12-24 14:22:45
I feel for you and your situation.  It's very hard for a mother to feel empathy for a grown FIL adult who "should be" a model citizen and have this protective

Instinct for her children's emotional well being.  I completely understand the desire to want to protect them.

My situation is worse.  My FIL lives with us. He's divorced, rude, selfish and does not share the same religious beliefs as my DH and I. We let him live with us because my DH wanted to try and build a relationship with him.  Mind you DH is 40 and we had 0 children.  We had several losses. Now we finally have a first baby on the way and I need FIL to move out.  His negativity will impact the character of my child.  He was a poor father himself, cheated on his wife and left her.  Has a gambling problem and outright doesn't believe in God.  I mean he says things to specifically point out that he does not believe people should be nice for people's feelings but he should get to say what he wants even when hurtful like "I hope you never make this dinner again, it was awful!" He says that about anything that varies from fried foods or burgers. (What a great influence on grandkids huh?)

I can't fathom how a grown adult in their 70's has zero character and zero values to share.  I don't want to force a relationship though, I just want him out of my house.  You might have to just accept that yours is a deadbeat and just plan life without him in it.  Sad but at least you don't have it under your roof, negatively influencing your kids on a daily basis.

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I would be happy to answer any questions regarding any situation you have with your inlaws. I have been married for many years, have been church affiliated and/or a staff member for over 20 years, and have counseled many people in that capacity. I take pride in providing answers that will give honest insight and concrete direction to go forward like many of the wellknown advice counselors. I believe that being a shoulder for you to lean on is important but much more important is advice that you can put into action to make your life better!


I have several years of psychology education, many years of counseling experience, and have been very helpful in my own family. It is a wonderful feeling to realize that you have helped others and made their lives better.

Many years of church counseling, Several years of psychology course work, BSA in accounting, and MBA candidate.

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