AboutVani Expertise Can tackle queries pertaining to relationship with in-laws especially in cases of love marriages, where both partners belong to different cultures or backgrounds or castes or countries.
Experience 12 years of married life, cross cultural experience, in India.
Education/Credentials Masters in Business Administration
Expert: Vani Date: 6/13/2008 Subject: My husband spends too much time with my dad and ignores me and our kids...
Question I've become concerned about my husband lately, as in the past few months he's been spending too much time with my dad, and not enough with me and the kids (two boys, one is 6 years old, the other is 8 ).
When they first met, they got on great, and they still do now. In fact, they seem to ignore me and act is if they're still "the lads"!
My husband ignored our son's 6th birthday to go out on an all-day booze with my dad, and also didn't come with me when it was our 8-year-old son's play at school, instead preferring to go out again boozing with my dad.
Every opportunity he can get to spend with him, he takes it. My mum isn't happy at all, and neither am I, in fact I'm furious.
Now my husband's told me that he's going off for a week on holiday in the countryside with him, and there's nothing I can do about it, he said to me.
I spoke to my dad about it but he said "Don't you tell me what to do!" and refused to discuss it any more.
It's a shame, as we used to get on well, now he just ignores me to spend time with my husband.
My mum spoke to him, but he just ranted at her about his supposed "loss of freedom"!
It got the same response from my husband too when I discussed it with him. He just insisted "it's the lads having fun", but I feel this is happening too often for my liking - I barely see my husband, due to work, and then him spending time with my dad.
My sons are always asking "Where's Dad?" and I keep on having to make excuses that he's at work. I hate having to lie like this.
It's causing me stress and strain, what can I do to stop myself being this way??
please help me, I just don't know where to turn!
Kerri (26)
Answer Hi Kerri,
In normal circumstances, if your husband were to get along with your family, you would have been the happiest. But right now, this is actually causing you and your mother a lot of stress. If its becoming just a name for rounds of alcohol, you'd better intervene before it becomes a health issue too. I think your father has found a friend in him and is enjoying this new-found freedom.
Call a family meeting and discuss this issue on the pretext that you would want your kids also to join in the fun and plan a family outing etc. Remember, don't blame any of them nor ask them to stop these booze sessions - no blame game, else they will become defensive and the entire exercise will fail to have an impact.
