Inlaw Relations/In-laws

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Question
I have been with my with my husband for 10 years. My sister-in-law has never spoken to me, not even said hi or acknowledge me, until a couple of years ago.  She now will say hi if she feels like it and answer my questions when she feels like it.  Many times she does not even acknowledge i am in the room and leaves her kids with me to watch them while my husband and her will go do something else.  My husband has a very close relationship with her.  She has had many issues in the past.  She has been into drugs, got pregnant at an early age, never holds a job for long, has been very financially irresponsible.  She did eventually get married to babies dad and continue to have 2 other children with him.  When they come over, we feed them and my husband visits with her while i watch the kids and she will say thank you to him but will not even look at me.  I do not know why she acts this way.  My husband says she has always acted that way with other girls he has dated. But we have been together for 10 years and i have only been nice to her.  After we had our child, i do not like visiting her or his mother often because how they treat me and I think they are a bad influence.  My husband thinks its best just to ignore the situation and continue visiting them.  I am upset that he does not even realize they are being disrespectful to me.  How do I handle this situation?

Answer
Amanda,
Your SIL probably has some mental health issues going on, but at a minimum she has serious undealt with baggage so you need to approach this from the perspective that it's not about you. It's about stuff from her past that she hasn't figured out. You focusing on her children is HUGE. They need loving stability in their lives. You can provide that. If you focus on the SIL or the MIL you will be disappointed. If you focus on the kids you will be satisfied everytime. Plus the kids is where your focus should be. I know it can be irritating what adults do, but think about the kids in this instance. They have to leave with your SIL and you don't. If your husband is unwilling to change things with his mother then you should always be present with they are at your MIL's until they can fend for themselves. I think what you are doing for your nieces and nephew will have a huge payoff as they become teens. You will be the one they rely and you will be the one with ability to influence. It doesn't feel like it right now, but they need you.
David
www.help4life.net

Inlaw Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

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I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging

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I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.

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B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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