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Inlaw Relations/mom in law hate me why?


Linda & mike
Linda & mike  
QUESTION: omg were to 53 my husbandis 47 both previously married 20 yrs ago weve lived together 9 1/2 ys known each other since childhood,we remet so to speak when my brother died in 2002 and have been together since,his mother has never like me,disaproved of me from day 1,,tolerated me hoping someday we would split,although like any other couple we had our rought times and she unfortunalty was aware of all the bumps in the road we encountered,his mom had divorced when he was 4 yrs old and never remarried and was always very controlling,she come to his house and rearange his decorations,make comments on what ever she felt was not to her liking,friends,clothes,especialy me.nothing I did pleased her..she always reminded him of out past arguments,anything to put negativity in to our relationship.we move away 4 yrs ago some 4 hrs away and in 9 months she move 15 minets away ,i new we were sunk..we dot engaged it sept and when her even mentioned the word marraige she flipped.screaming at him your crazy,it will be a mistake,im not normal(because i have 4 golden retrievers) she thinks i got them to keep people away as to not come visit,mainly her..she later called the following days and continued to harrass him til he hung up on her.she called his father and tried to get him to side with her and he said hes a grown man at 47 hes happy.stop interfering she is still not letting up..we married without her knowing this past friday dec 14,and were very happy but I know my husband felt bad to exclude his mom but she would have ruined our day .was just a very small service,she called last night and we still havent told her and my husband doesnt want to because he knows she will just make us miserable .my husband loves his mom and I realy tried to let the nasty thing she said constanly roll of my back but after almost 10 yrs it enough already..were married and she will find out at some point,what can we do to make this union a happy one if ever..she unhealthily attached to her son like I took her husband not her son..whay should we do ..hes going there xmas and im not and has to hid the fact were married with should be a joy to share..thanks so much for listening hope you can shed some light and make this holiday easier on all of us..Linda

ANSWER: Hi Linda,

This question was posted in a pool and not addressed specifically to me. But the best way out is to hide it as long as you both can. Your husband is right, she will make your life miserable.  He must have reached her place by now, so let it be for this Christmas. Once she realizes that this marriage is for keep's sake and she can't break it, may be she will give up trying.

You both are made for each other, the attached pic says so!!



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: OK its 2 weeks later and she knows .someone let the cat out of the bag and of coarse she furious,not as bad as i thought though she just is using the major guilt trip saying hes a coward and a lyer and now his son wont except our marraige,which he never had problems with me before..all his cared about was wether his dad left him money in his will not about his fathers happiness,my husbands mom uses his son to get to him as a pawn and saying things like your father disagrees with our marraige when we spoke to his dad before the wedding and he said no such thing he was fine with it..she goes on my facebook account and makes nasty comments abouut what i say to my friends so i blocked her and now she mad at that..she just is obsessed with hating me..she scares me and I think she gone to far with this ..its realy upsetting my husband and i feel so bad his mother is being so hurtful to him.shes suposed to love him yet she insulting him and tormenting and he says to let it go ,he doesnt want to hear it but she like a mad dog,everytime he see her of tslks to her she starts all over again,she gone to far what can we do to stop this need of advice..Linda

Hi Linda,

Sorry for the delay in replying it was due to the untimely demise of my father. It's time that you start ignoring your MIL completely and totally. She wants attention now and can get down to any level for the same. Yes, she is hurting her son and does not even realize it. But you can't do much when someone is simply irrational. So enjoy your life, block her from any public forum where she can post lies. Once she knows that she is losing the love of her son, may be she will mend her ways.



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Can tackle queries pertaining to relationship with in-laws especially in cases of love marriages, where both partners belong to different cultures or backgrounds or social strata or castes or countries.


20 years of married life, cross cultural experience, in India.

Masters in Business Administration

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