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Inlaw Relations/MIL wants to move in

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Hello, I had a concern in regards to my mother in law potentially having to move in with me and my husband and wanted to get some advice on how i should handle this situation. I am a full time student/stay at home wife and my husband works. I am concerned about my mother in law moving in because she has no income (she lives off of welfare) and so it would be hard to plan for her to move out since she cant be self sufficient. She also has a drug habit and a toxic relationship with her on again off again boyfriend who is abusive towards her. Along with those issues, she also has numerous respiratory issues like asthma and allergies. I have pets at home that are furry and shed and I will not get rid of them because it is therapeutic for my depression. Me and my husband is planning on having a baby, and in our one bedroom apartment, I fear that it may be too crowded with having her here. We both have also had prior drug abuse issues in the past (about 7 or so years ago). I fear that we may be placed in a situation where we could possibly relapse if she brings drugs into our home. She had explained to my husband that her boyfriend is the cause of her drug abuse and that we have nothing to worry because she is no longer with him. However, they have a record of getting back together, and I do not want him in my home period. She has lived with my husbands younger sister and that apparently was hell for her. I told my husband that he should wait on giving her an answer as to whether she can move in with us or not because he has two older siblings who may take her in. His older brother is actually more financially stable than anyone else but his older siblings typically ignore or avoid situations such as this. In the past, we have helped my two younger brothers temporarily. I dont mind helping someone in need if its temporary and I feel  especially bad that in the back of my head I'm reluctant about letting my husbands mother move in with us. He has mentioned that he too does not want her here. I believe I have valid concerns.I have already described my concerns to my husband and he was accepting of my feelings. I think we both feel like we are in a tough spot because we know if we let her live with us it will be hard to get her out of our place. Im afraid that it may cause a strain on our marriage eventually. After informing you on this issue of mines, how do you think I should go about this issue? Is it ok to refuse to help? Should I search for a housing program or shelter? Should we just wait on my husbands older siblings to respond to whether they will help her or not? Any advice will be helpful.

Answer
Nicole,
Given what you have described there is no way, in my opinion, that you should let your MIL live with you. The relationship with your husband and future child is of prime importance. You put this at risk by letting this woman with all this baggage into your living space. Any issues you and your hubby have will be inflamed because she will bring in her own toxicity. So don't do it. I would suggest helping her find housing. If all the siblings want to go in together to help her afford a studio apt. somewhere that might be nice.
David
www.help4life.net

Inlaw Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

Expertise

I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging

Experience

I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.

Organizations
AAMFT;AACC

Education/Credentials
B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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