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Inlaw Relations/How to get my family to accept my fiance?


Alright, well, Iím 23, and my fianceís name is Samoset. He is 26 and he is American Indian (Algonquian). Him and I have been together for two years and just got engaged a couple of weeks ago. My family has met Sam maybe four times on holidays and he has always been friendly, gracious, and just very well-mannered, as he always is. They have been mostly cordial but I know that they are somewhat judgmental because they donít like the idea of me marrying someoneÖ WellÖ Not white. Now donít get me wrong, my family is not racist or prejudiced or anything of the sort. Theyíre just very traditional and Iím going to be the first person bringing someone not white into the family. And the cultural difference is much more drastic than with some other races. My family is also made up of mostly devout Christians, and they don't really like or understand Sam's beliefs, and I'm unsure whether him telling them more about it would help or hurt. My family has asked him some uncomfortable and rude questions not realizing they were being rude. I just want them to be accepting because I love Sam more than anything. I live in a different state from my whole family so I havenít told anyone yet that we are engaged, minus my mother and sister, who are the only accepting ones. I am planning on telling everybody on Sunday when I go to visit, but Iím very nervous. How can I get my family to accept that I am marrying an American Indian? Sam is very quiet to start with, and he is convinced that they hate him, so he is always very intimated to go see them. What do I do?

Congrats Storm,

You have had the courage to go ahead with your engagement and that shows how much you care for each other. You cannot expect your family to accept him wholeheartedly, the moment you announce about this. Quite likely they would want to analyze whether he convinced you to get engaged or was it the other way round. It would be best that you let time take its course, but do explain their doubts to him. He need not feel awkward nor be defensive. Gradually his demeanor and the fact that he loves you so much, will bring him closer to your family. The faith and culture part is best left alone, more you discuss about it - more chaos is likely to happen. Your mom and sister can play a crucial role, by letting all know subtly that he is the right choice for you.



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Can tackle queries pertaining to relationship with in-laws especially in cases of love marriages, where both partners belong to different cultures or backgrounds or social strata or castes or countries.


20 years of married life, cross cultural experience, in India.

Masters in Business Administration

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