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Inlaw Relations/Jealousy issues with my sister in law and mother

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Question
I love  my future sister in law she is a sweetie, and since I moved away my mother and my relationship has gotten loads better.  I've been married now almost 3yrs and we just did the court house since we were both in a different state then our families. (military)  Anyway, my future sister in law and my brother live with my parents and their 2 kids.  As of recently my mom has been posting on how she and my future s.i.l are going to bridal shows and going dress hunting.  Every post I read the more I feel hatred growing for the both of them.  I feel like they're rubbing it in my face that i didn't get to do any of this.  I still want to have an actual ceremony but it's hard to save.  I feel like if I hear that my parents are paying for their wedding I don't know what I'll do.  I don't want to hate my future s.i.l or resent her. Plus I don't want to say something to my mom I may later regret.  What do I do? I don't want to seem like a drama queen, but this is really bugging me.  Please help!
         thanks Eligrayce

Answer
Eligrayce,
Let's put this in perspective. One of the things a mother really looks forward to is to connect with her daughter/s via a wedding. It is supposed to be a once in a life time thing that will always be remembered. You deprived your mother of this. You simply made a choice based on what you thought in the moment was best. Choices have consequences. While you may regret the choice, it's done with. What should your mother do? Not be involved in anything. If she were writing me, I would tell her to be fully involved. She shouldn't deny herself the experience, because you made a choice to years back to not have a ceremony. I think what your feeling is regret and a little bit of jealousy because you now realize what you missed out on. My suggestion is rather than be bitter, you be overjoyed for them. Bitterness will be remembered for a long time and hurt relationships. Joyousness will be welcomed and appreciated much more. I'm sorry that it is hurtful, maybe it was hurtful to your mother 3 years ago. Perhaps you could apologize to her and it would be a very healing conversation.
David
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Inlaw Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

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I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging

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I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.

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