OK. Husband and wife. This is both of our second marriages. My mother is not an issue whatsoever. He has no complaints regarding in laws. His family live 5 minutes away. He is enmeshed with his parents, they were not happy about the wedding. She experienced it as a narcissistic injury that he did not talk to her first about the engagement because he did not. When we were engaged she offered no help, just made belittling comments, paid for nothing, made me pay for everything, they have money, and I had no family to help. They gave us a tiny gift at the wedding and it was insulting. she was not happy her boy was leaving her to go to me. She is super rude, condescending, and an adult bully. She needs to be in control. After the wedding it got bad. Oh, I did not share the wedding video or wedding pics with her. Why bother? We had an incident last spring where she behaved badly and I had enough. I stopped going there completely. I have gone there 3 times. We are doing some of our own holidays now. I think they are not happy about it... Look.. I do not want to go... there... I am sick of it..They do not have basic respect for my feelings... Why would I want to go there. I refuse to go unless I have to.. I am civil if I see them.. out and about.. they live in the next town.. but I do not want to go.. thoughts? OK...next My husband reluctantly supports me and has my back... some gals would say I am luckly.. but when she says things to my face.. he never stands up for me.. another reason I do not want to go... The situation is out of hand... My parents lived thousands of miles from in laws... saw them annually.. this is torture.. but the point is I stopped seeing them... There are no kids fortunately... Is it okay not to have a relationship with them?
You are absolutely right in just being civil when you meet and you don't have to go. When it's clear that they cannot accept you, why make efforts? If your husband does not support you when she is rude on your face, avoid such situations that she gets a chance to pounce on you. Explain this to him when he is in a nice mood, do not blame her but just point out that when 2 adults can't stand each other it's best not to meet.