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Inlaw Relations/Brother-in-law's rage

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Question
My brother-in-law (call him Al) signed a house my father-in-law promised to pay.  Before Al sign, there was not a thought occurred to him that his father is close to retired.  Father-in-law asked my husband behind my back to live with him in that house and helped each other pay for the mortgage.  We already have history of living together and it didnít work out, still, the inlaws are desperate for a house they canít afford.  His parents decided to do illegal drug which my husband and I disagreed.  His parents got furious and invite their friends and relatives to lecture us.  My husband got mad the fact that all his adulthood, he always listened to them and never talk back.  That wasnít enough, they invited others to speak for them.  He forgave them and they took it too far.  We moved out.
Al was furious too.  He moved in to help pay the mortgage he signed.  He holds a great rage at us and our children like it was our fault.  By the way, my kids are good.  Things get better between the inlaws and us but not Al.  He told us numerous time not to go in his house again.  We stop.   His new girlfriend moved in with him after we left.  She kind of new the matter because Iím sure my sister-in-law told her and she tried to be friend with me.  I appreciate her being nice to me, but it just come to a point where I donít see us going near Al.  I know him more than she does.  That man has issues.  He would say things to us on his bad day which his girlfriend has no clue why I donít look like I tried to visit them anymore.  I donít want anything to do with her or my inlaws because my inlaws told me that Alís doesnít us there and they are powerless to say anything to Al.  Iíll never go to that house with my kids again.  I donít mind if my husband go .  It is his family.  Anyway, Alís girlfriend came to visit us multiple times with my sister-in-law because I have a newborn.  Do I just continue to look like a bad guy to Alís clueless girlfriend during holidays we wonít attend?  What should I do?  Please help.

Answer
Lucy,
I think at some point you will need to have a conversation with the GF. I don't think you have to go into detail, but at least give some information that there is conflict from the past that doesn't allow you to attend these functions. You could always offer to have the functions at your place and then see if Al decides to show up or not. Don't let an angry person ruin a potential good relationship.

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David Simonsen

Inlaw Relations

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Dr. David Simonsen

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I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging

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I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.

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B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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