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Inlaw Relations/brothers wife and birthdays


Do I need to send my brothers wife a birthday card anymore if she only sends cards through her children to me? Over the last year I received mothers day cards from my niece and nephew in her hand writing, nothing from her or my bother, then when I graduated from college in July, masters degree, I did not receive any card or anything congratulating me, no phone call or anything. I never said a word. I have not had a phone conversation with my brothers wife (10 years married)in about 2 or 3 years.she never calls, nothing. We do not have a relationship, we do not share anything. But from the past, once I forgot her birthday and my brother called me out on it. so my question is, since the masters degree was ignored completely, which special to me, and any cards are from my neice and nephew in her hand writing, do I need to send her a birthday card? and if I don't, and my brothers tells me I did not send a card, can I say I didn't want to send a card and also remind them I didn't get a congratulatory card for my masters degree.
Sounds like drama, but I am really indifferent to it, and don't mind the lack of cards I get, but what I dread most is the double standard and the anticipation of my brother and her complaining about me not sending her a birthday card..cause the birthday is coming up and I don't feel the desire to send a card.I know I could save face, and keep the peace by just sending a card, but Im older now, and I am so sick of doing things out of obligation especially when I am not passionate about it. How can I be true to myself....

I think you need to determine what level of connection you want with this person. I don't like obligation, but sometimes it is necessary to keep maintain certain relationships. If this is not one of them, then I don't think you need to send a card. If your brother calls then you can give him the information about no wanting obligation in your life.

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Dr. David Simonsen


I can answer you questions clearly and straight. Let me help you get your in-law relationships figured out. They can really be challenging


I meet weekly with families that have in-law challenges.


B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy; Ph.D. Psychology

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