Inlaw Relations/my mother


My family has been dealing with financial issues. My mother (who is bipolar but has been doing better) has invited my daughter and I to live with her for until my husband can get on his feet. Tonight she sent me a text and said "a friend of mine wants to come visit. Would you mind sharing your bed with her for a few nights?" I do not know this person.. Maybe met her once or twice as a child. Also my daughter would be sharing the room as well. I told her that I'd be uncomfortable sharing a bed with someone I do not know. And asked her if there was any other arrangement. She responded "I asked you out of courtesy but it's Only a few days, you can tough it out. Thanks" I called her and repeated how uncomfortable this whole thing made me and she said how she was beginning to see more and more the type of person I am and how selfish I can be. And she said I needed to tough it out. She said she couldn't share her bed because she sleeps with the tv on and my aunt sleeps on
the couch and also sleeps with the tv on. It hurt me that something so simple makes my mother call me selfish. I've never done ANYTHING to make her believe that.. It hurts and I need help.. I'm renting a hotel during her friends stay, but since she insisted me and my daughter come to stay with her I feel blindsided. Help.

Hi Imani,

What you did and said was totally justified and logical. If she wanted you and your daughter to come over, she cannot expect you to make compromises. She wanted to provide you support and comfort, this sure is not the way! She has been kind but can easily postpone her friend's visit. She called you selfish, do not take it to heart, she barely can understand the hurt she caused you. Visit her as planned and rent a hotel. If possible fight your own financial battles and be at your husband's side, with just her emotional support.



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Can tackle queries pertaining to relationship with in-laws especially in cases of love marriages, where both partners belong to different cultures or backgrounds or social strata or castes or countries.


20 years of married life, cross cultural experience, in India.

Masters in Business Administration

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