Inlaw Relations/In-law help!


Hello Vani. My fiance is now 20 weeks pregnant. Yesterday we just found out we are having a girl and cannot be more happy. There is an issue, however, with the mother in law that is of concern.

So my mother in-law will be the primary babysitter while my fiance and I are at work. Her mother also watches 3 other children ranging from 2 years to 5 years old. Yesterday I found out she had given all three children sleeping aides to help put them to sleep. Whether it was benadryl or cough medicine, I do not know.

I brought the issue up with my fiance. I expressed my concerns with leaving the baby with her mother as I DO NOT want our child given sleeping aides.

My fiance came to her mothers defense by saying that she did it just that once and only because the brother was taking over babysitting for a couple of hours. I told her that that was a garbage excuse and no child should ever be given sleep aides.

I further expressed my concerns with leaving my child with her mother. My fiance assured me that it will never happen to our child. That her brother (father of the three children) uses sleep aides and allowed the mother to use them on his children.

Did I over blow the issue on this, or do I have a legitimate reason to worry? How else do I approach the issue? My fiance says she will have a talk with her mom about the benadryl, and that she is never ever to use it with our child. Is this good enough?

Thank you for your time Vani.

Hey Jared,

Your concern is totally justified and logical. It doesn't seem to be a single incident. Her mother could be doing it pretty often. Start observing her from now on, be on the look out. There is no point in talking to her mother now. But soon you'll know if you possibly can leave your baby with her or not. Don't tell your fiancée about this secret mission.  Collect enough info and only then approach the topic. Don't lose sleep over it right now, enjoy this phase.


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Can tackle queries pertaining to relationship with in-laws especially in cases of love marriages, where both partners belong to different cultures or backgrounds or social strata or castes or countries.


20 years of married life, cross cultural experience, in India.

Masters in Business Administration

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