AboutLe Anne Clausen Expertise I can answer questions about interfaith relations, particularly Christian-Muslim. This includes efforts in this country and internationally, especially the Middle East. I can answer about interfaith efforts for peacemaking and social justice issues, and I can offer advice on how to begin your own interfaith dialogue or cooperation efforts. I can answer some but not all questions about Christianity's and other religion's perspectives towards engaging in interfaith relations
Experience I have an MA in Christian-Muslim relations and I was a human rights worker for four years in the Middle East, including Israel/Palestine, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan. I have also spent time in Central Asia, including Iran and Afghanistan. I am currently working to create an interfaith peace-teams based human rights organization.
Publications:
Before Abu Ghraib: Stories from a Human Rights Worker in Iraq (pending)
“Seminary Behind Bars,” Theolog, [blog of the Christian Century], June 2008
“Discovering the Hazara Shi’a of Afghanistan” The Worldly, November 2007
“A Nest For Kabul’s Street Children, and the Underside of International Aid.”
The Worldly, October 2007
“Be the Healers: Responding to Abu Ghraib.” The Lutheran, July 2004
Blog: “Journal of a Young Activist,” www.young-activist.blogspot.com (since 2000). Also www.christian-muslim.net, and www.seminaryaction.org.
Expert: Le Anne Clausen Date: 1/21/2008 Subject: Christian - Pagan/Wiccan Relationship
Question So, my current boyfriend and I have been dating now for about 4.5 months. Doesn't seem like long to most people but to us it feels like we've been together for a lot longer then that. We compliment each other and understand each other. He makes me laugh and keeps me smiling even when I don't want to and I keep him grounded when he gets a little goofy. We are both also going into the profession of law enforcement and therefore both understand the responsibilities that come with being a police officer and the struggles, long hours, and working holidays.
We met at work and instantly there was a connection between us. We hung out together and before long he asked me to be his girlfriend. Neither of us were looking for a relationship and we were both blindsided by each other. Just that we met at all was amazing in itself.
Before we started dating we both were aware of eachother's religious beliefs. I knew that he was a devoted Christian and he knew that I was not. It never seemed like much of an issue. I told him right off the bat that I had NO problem with his beliefs and believed that everyone should follow their own path.
Then about a week ago he became distant and finally 2 nights ago he explained to me what was going on. He doesn't know if he can deal with me not being Christian. In his words he wants a women who he can share his beliefs with. He wants me to go to church and participate in things with him involving his religion. Over the years I've become more of a believer in Pagan beliefs although still learning. I haven't explained this to him yet but told him last night that I was willing to if he is willing to listen. The problem is I don't if it will help how he feels? It almost seems that his love for me and how great our relationship is, or at least was, doesn't stand up to his problem with religion.
Has anyone gone through this or something similar? Do I explain to him about what I believe and go from there? Do I attend his church with him even though I don't believe the things that church is built on? I don't want to loose this man, I can see myself with him for the rest of my life.
Answer Greetings Melissa, and thanks for your question. My apologies for the delay, I think there's been a technical glitch that backed up my receiving several questions! But, let me see what I can do to help:
I think this is an increasingly common problem which you are facing, (as named well in the Dar Williams song, "the Christians and the Pagans.") I myself have not dated a Pagan person, but many of my good high school friends discovered Paganism and are at various stages of practice. In general, there is no strong Christian prohibition against marrying a person of a different faith, although some more conservative interpretations of the texts and some preachers today will advise against it. However, as a soon-to-be-ordained Presbyterian pastor in this modern world, I think relationships are best built on respect and communication.
I think it is an excellent first step for you to begin explaining your faith and beliefs to him. You may wish to begin finding written or other resources about Paganism that would be helpful for him to look at on his own to form a better understanding of the traditions. The Harvard Pluralism Project, which you can find online, is a good start; I also recommend that Dar Williams' song.
As for attending religious services, there are a few helpful reasons for doing so. You might do this to be supportive of a parter, to increase your own understanding of your partner's religious traditions, and to socialize with your partner's friends in that social circle. You also might find that you can be a gentle 'ambassador' to your partner's community; not trying to convert them but to say, 'Hey, we can respect each other and get along.' Still, if you did want to do this, you shouldn't feel obliged to go all the time; perhaps once a month is enough for you. And, it works both ways--are there any gatherings in your tradition that you might be able to take your partner along with, so that he gets to know your religious community as well as your beliefs and practices?
As a woman, I tend to say I also don't agree with many of the things the Church has been built on--practices for centuries that have left me marginalized and excluded, let alone friends of various races, ethnicities, and gender orientations. However, there are things I can still hold onto in my faith that give me hope, that encourage me to reach out in cooperation to others of different backgrounds. I think every faith has something of this to offer, even if its leaders and practitioners have taken it down very troublesome paths in the past and present. You may also want to seek out a church that would welcome you even if you didn't share its' core beliefs, that you could attend together.
Overall, see if there is room for mutually supportive exploration of each other's faiths, without needing to convert each other. This is your most likely hope for a successful relationship.
I wish you the best of luck as you continue to work on these issues! Please let me know if there are any other questions I can help with. If your partner would also like to write with questions, that's fine too.
