AboutLe Anne Clausen Expertise I can answer questions about interfaith relations, particularly Christian-Muslim. This includes efforts in this country and internationally, especially the Middle East. I can answer about interfaith efforts for peacemaking and social justice issues, and I can offer advice on how to begin your own interfaith dialogue or cooperation efforts. I can answer some but not all questions about Christianity's and other religion's perspectives towards engaging in interfaith relations
Experience I have an MA in Christian-Muslim relations and I was a human rights worker for four years in the Middle East, including Israel/Palestine, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan. I have also spent time in Central Asia, including Iran and Afghanistan. I am currently working to create an interfaith peace-teams based human rights organization.
Publications:
Before Abu Ghraib: Stories from a Human Rights Worker in Iraq (pending)
“Seminary Behind Bars,” Theolog, [blog of the Christian Century], June 2008
“Discovering the Hazara Shi’a of Afghanistan” The Worldly, November 2007
“A Nest For Kabul’s Street Children, and the Underside of International Aid.”
The Worldly, October 2007
“Be the Healers: Responding to Abu Ghraib.” The Lutheran, July 2004
Blog: “Journal of a Young Activist,” www.young-activist.blogspot.com (since 2000). Also www.christian-muslim.net, and www.seminaryaction.org.
Expert: Le Anne Clausen Date: 1/25/2008 Subject: loving outside one's social class
Question
I met a guy with whom I now think I might be in love with. The problem is that he is totally from outside my social class. I am keeping our relationship secret because I am not strong enough to face my friends or parents. He is a nomad living in an oasis literally 7 hours into the desert, while I go to the most elitist and posh university in the country. I cannot think of a single person I know who will approve our relationship. I am so confused that I cannot even tell how true are my own feelings towards him. I feel attached to him somehow, but with all the contradictory thoughts running through my head I cannot decide whether I am in true love or is it just attraction. He is incredibly spontaneous and frank in everything including the way he expresses his love, which I adore but giving all the confusion I am feeling makes me sad and more confused. He is sensitive and a very good and a kind person and I don't want to hurt him, but I am also afraid I might make him imagine a future that we cannot have. I am also worried that I might not want to leave him because I donot want to look elitist to myself. If I follow my impulses I will say I want to be with him, but if I let my mind speak it sounds like complete craziness. should I follow my heart or my mind? I cannot think clearly, and even when I try to think intuitively of whether I am in love or not everything else, like my parents, long-term, commitment, social-class considrations...etc gets factored in and blurs my view. Even if we were in love, I am still worried that after the initial love sparkles fade out we will not find anything in common between the two of us. if we are together it will be us against the world. is it worth it. can I fight this fight? I want the good thing for both of us, and I donot know what to do. I cannot even act on my feelings because I cannot figure me out. help me with your thoughts because I am totally numb.
Thank you,
Answer Greetings Taziri, and thanks for your question. This is in some ways a question I've never been asked before. In other ways, the themes are quite common. Let me see if I can help:
My first reaction when reading this was, 'how on earth did they ever meet, if he's in a desert oasis and you're at the university?' It might help if you can tell me a little about how you met each other and how much time you have spent talking with each other, and how often you see each other. Do you know each other well as friends? Or through a relative? I am also not sure how old the guy in question is, which may have some impact on the situation.
It is true that most relationship struggles are about money, differing ways of thinking about and handling finances. Of course, I know that some nomads are actually quite wealthy, but from your letter I gather this may not be the case.
It is also true that love often immediately clouds thinking. This isn't always bad; sometimes it's what we need in order to let down our guard enough to take chances. Other times, those chances don't work out. Sometimes, that's not necessarily bad either. True love, however, is what is built on knowing a person well and communicating openly and honestly with them, and listening also.
It's not necessarily out of the question these days that such a relationship could work; but do think practically about what your other goals in life are. Do you want to live in a city or in the desert? Do you wish to work outside or in the home? Where might this guy want to live and work? Is his family more traditional than yours, and if so, would you be willing to live with his family under their expectations? This might help you sort out your feelings apart from your family's and friends.' The right answers are the ones with which you feel most true to yourself.
I hope this helps! Do let me know if you'd like to discuss further the details I raised above. In the meantime, I wish you the best of luck!
