AboutLe Anne Clausen Expertise I can answer questions about interfaith relations, particularly Christian-Muslim. This includes efforts in this country and internationally, especially the Middle East. I can answer about interfaith efforts for peacemaking and social justice issues, and I can offer advice on how to begin your own interfaith dialogue or cooperation efforts. I can answer some but not all questions about Christianity's and other religion's perspectives towards engaging in interfaith relations
Experience I have an MA in Christian-Muslim relations and I was a human rights worker for four years in the Middle East, including Israel/Palestine, Iraq, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan. I have also spent time in Central Asia, including Iran and Afghanistan. I am currently working to create an interfaith peace-teams based human rights organization.
Publications:
Before Abu Ghraib: Stories from a Human Rights Worker in Iraq (pending)
“Seminary Behind Bars,” Theolog, [blog of the Christian Century], June 2008
“Discovering the Hazara Shi’a of Afghanistan” The Worldly, November 2007
“A Nest For Kabul’s Street Children, and the Underside of International Aid.”
The Worldly, October 2007
“Be the Healers: Responding to Abu Ghraib.” The Lutheran, July 2004
Blog: “Journal of a Young Activist,” www.young-activist.blogspot.com (since 2000). Also www.christian-muslim.net, and www.seminaryaction.org.
Expert: Le Anne Clausen Date: 7/22/2008 Subject: Catholic-Muslim Relationship
Question Le Anne,
I am a practicing Catholic and my fiancee is Muslim. I was raised in the Catholic Church and still attend Mass regularly. He was born in a former Soviet country and was raised with basically no religion, but accepted Islam several years ago. When we first met he did not really practice Islam. He has a few friends who are devout Muslims who he looks up to, but he doesn't attend Mosque regularly or pray 5 times a day, but he still maintains a strong relationship with God.
We have been together now for almost 2 years and are SO madly in love. Neither of us has any issues with the other practicing their religion, as we both respect each others' faiths. We had discussed marriage, but had avoided talking about how we wanted to raise our children, because it was a controversial topic, and frankly, since he didn't really practice, I didn't think it would be an issue.
We had been dating for a year and a few months when we discovered that I was pregnant. All of a sudden he started hanging out with his Muslim friends more and went to Mosque more often. Our situation has obviously forced us to discuss the issue of how we want to raise our children. Every time we have discussed how we are going to raise our baby we always come to the same point at the end of the conversation... I want to raise our child Catholic, he wants to raise her Muslim, we truly want to be together and we love each other deeply but we don't know what to do.
Sometimes I feel like I am having to choose between my God and the man I love. Sometimes after we discuss it I just cry for hours, and a few times I was so upset that it made me physically ill (and it wasn't due to morning sickness).
I am now 7 months pregnant and we still have not come to an agreement. We decided not to get married until we agree on how to raise our kids, which I think was smart. We really love each other and want to be together and make this work.
I would be miserable for the rest of my life if I backed down on raising our new little girl Catholic. I also know that he would be unhappy if we did not raise her Muslim. I do think that it is important for her to learn about her father's religion when the time is right (maybe start teaching her about it around 8 or 9 years old). And after a certain age she will be able to choose whatever religion she feels called to. He doesn't really like this scenario. I understand that that is a hard thing for him to agree to since I would want the main focus to be on Catholicism, but I'm not sure how else this is going to work. I don't think that just raising her equally in both religions is a wise idea because that is too confusing for young children so I think it is best to have a strong foundation in one but still learn about the other.
I understand that you don't have to "practice" a religion or grow up in one to feel strongly about the faith, but it just seems unfair that he is so adamant about raising her Muslim when he himself is so new to the faith.
Sorry this is so long, but believe it or not I have really just scratched the surface. We could really use some help with this, so any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Anonymous
Answer Greetings Anonymous, and thanks for your question. Also, congratulations on your pregnancy! I understand from your letter that it's been a difficult situation for you, and I hope that I will be able to help.
I will try to do so by getting directly to your question about raising a child in both religions being too confusing: actually, it's not. In interfaith marriages, (as well as bilingual marriages and intercultural marriages), one of the best things you can do is raise the child in both traditions. In this case, you bring her to Catholic worship and practice regular prayers and Scripture with her; her father should take her to mosque and pray with her (as soon as she is able to follow the postures, or sooner). Children have a capacity to understand and accept difference beyond what most adults have. At the point where she does notice that your beliefs are different, be honest and say, "Yes, we do have different beliefs, but we both love each other and we love you; and we want to both teach you what we believe is important." In doing so, you will most likely have a compassionate and open-minded child for whom faith is deeply important, and also one who can use such an experience to speak to some of the most difficult conflicts in our world today. She will probably also find that she has a lot of company as an adult; as this is an increasingly common situation for couples.
It sounds to me that your guy's sudden increased interest in Islam is due to his discovering that he is a father; this happens to a lot of guys, who realize that they need a foundation in order to fulfill their responsibilities well. There aren't a lot of other places for guys to go to figure out fatherhood (and husband-hood)these days. I understand that this has been surprising for you. If he is being supportive and allows you to freely practice your beliefs, do extend him the same grace. This interest may last a long time; or it may mellow after several years. There is no predicting this for anyone. And even so, your child will benefit from an open and honest relationship with her father about how and why he practices (or doesn't practice) as he does. This is also important in her relationship with you, so do be open and honest as possible about your questions, your fears, your doubts, your joys, your experiences growing up in the faith, etc. as you can. These are the conversations children really need.
Finally, if it helps; check out Catholic Theological Union (www.ctu.edu), one of the seminaries in Chicago where I have studied; they do wonderful work in Catholic-Muslim dialogue. They may have resources that could help you and your guy find out more about how Catholicism and Islam have a lot of stuff in common. My favorite example is how closely Benedictine spirituality and the five pillars of Islam are related; or the shared reverence of Mary; or St. Francis's visit to the Muslims during the Crusades.
I hope that this may provide some comfort and assurance for you, and help you and your guy to re-approach the issue. My very best hopes for you and your family, and please let me know if I can help with additional questions!
