Expert: LaShaunda Glass - 7/3/2008

Question
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years, in the past 3 years she has gotten pregnant 3 time 2 of those times she miss carriage by accidents, fist time lifting, second time tripping over some thing and falling, any ways my goal as the man is to married her and start a family, I love her very much and she loves me very much, something is stopping her from moving in with me and marrieing me i asked her and she says yes but there is some kind of problem with her family, she is Asian and i am Mexican, her mother seems to have a strong hold and influence on her anything her mother says she has to do it right away example, watch her brothers kids pick up her brothers kid always something to do with her brother kids, her brother die and her brother kids mother left them to my girl friends family. In general my girlfriend makes a million excuses every day and now she wont even come and vist me any more she says she is very busy, but a pregnant women with no job should not be that busy? I am at a complete loss, i love her so much but i don't know if she really loves me like she says, she treats me like im all the way in the back of the line. DO You have any advise???? Please help. Can you tell me anything that might solve my problem or advise, i don't want to leave her because she has my baby and i want to be a good father.

Answer
As a grown woman, I feel your girlfriend can make her own decisions and doesn't need influence from anyone. She is old enough to figure things out for herself, However, if her mother plays a huge role in her life, then I feel its best you 3 sit down maturely and discuss your issues and feelings. There may be more as to why she doesn't want to move in with you which is what you need to get to the bottom of first, then from there, you 2 can figure things out. You need to find out exactly why her mother feels, or why SHE feels most importantly the way she does orderly.

As for her always being busy, your girlfriend may be busy with all those dang kids she was left with by her brother! Even though she doesn't have a Job. She may have strong values or cultural values either of taking care of her family which is where your compromise and understanding needs to come in. I don't want to say shes pushing you away deliberately, but its something you certainly need to discuss with her, I'd propose perhaps by treating her to a nice dinner in a calm atmosphere where you 2 are able to talk freely and better express yourselves. I think its great that you are sticking by your kid(s) as a man. Continue to do so and stay strong. As there are alot of people in the world of all backgrounds who have to do the same.