About Jessica Main Expertise Any questions and/or concerns you have regarding being part of an interracial relationship. Including but not limited to... outsider's views and opinions, family's thoughts and concerns and raising biracial children.
Experience I am the 30 year old white Mommy to two beautiful, biracial daughters. Engaged to be married to a gorgeous Jamaican man. I've gone through the "what ifs" the "oh nos" and the "whys". I can help You through all of Yours.
Education/Credentials 1996 Graduate of Warren Area High School, current student of U.S. Career Institute,gaining certificate in Fitness and Nutrition.
Question QUESTION: Im a black male 18 and my girlfriend is a lovly white female 18. The question is my girlfriend wants to have children I also but we both feel that her parents would not like a mixed grandchild. not only that but im going off to college in iowa and we plan on starting before i leave. So should we start a family even though her parents will freak out.
ANSWER: Hi there!
Let's forget for a second that You are black and your lovely girlfriend is white :) (just for a second, but we'll get back to that) You sound like an intelligent Young man, and seem to have answered your own question. You both are 18 and just getting started in your lives. Finish School sweetheart. Think "long-term". Instead of worrying right now that her parents might not approve, think to yourself "what do I have to offer a child at this time?" As You go through life, with working, school etc..You will find that you and your girlfriend will inevitably do one of two things, grow stronger in your relationship, or..You may grow in the other direction, and out of the relationship all together! Trust Me, I've seen it happen MANY times. I don't doubt that you love your girlfriend, and that she loves You, but as we mature and grow, so do our morals, beliefs, ethics, fears and preferences..just to name a few! I can tell You as a mother who has raised my children on my own their entire lives that it's the biggest responsibility a person will EVER have! I would not change the fact that I had my beautiful baby girls, HOWEVER, given the chance I would go back and change these things...the man to which I had my girls, my financial stability at the time, I would have finished my schooling and paid my debt etc.etc. So My point is this...Children need a great deal of attention and money no matter what their race! Now, having given you my opinion on that topic, let's get to the "black and white of the subject" as I promised ;)
Answer a few questions for me first ok?..1) Do her parents know you are together? 2)How do they feel about you dating? 3)Do You think they would want their daughter to have a child now with ANYONE, black OR white? Get back to me with the answers to these questions so I can give you a "follow up". Having the answers to these questions will better help me to help You. Hang in there! and I'll be waiting to hear back from You.
In Light,
Jessica
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: they dont know we are together but her sister does and she likes to call me her brother in law.I really dont think that they would want her to have children yet even if i were white. Her parents i think knows that we may be together because i always spend time with her but maybe not.
Answer I apologize again for the delay.
Ok, let's say for a second that they DO know about You. Let's also say for a second you have finished school and are financially suitable for raising a family. Let's also go one step further and say You and Your lovely girlfriend have lasted through school and every other obstacle known to deteriorate a relationship and you're marrying her....
(Remember, we're just saying ;))
You LOVE your girl and she loves You, though family is important, as well as thier opinions and views on our lives, We MUST do what is right for OURSELVES...if having a baby is what you both want to do, WHY should her parents have ANY bearing on your decision? Will THEY be raising the baby?, Will THEY be changing diapers and waking up for 2:00am feedings?
The answer is most likely "No". This will be YOUR child to love and guide. THEY (though they are respected family members) will either accept the child or they wont (hopefully they do). I know in my own instance...My family is very "old school", not "racist" but firmly believe that white people should have babies with white people and black with black. HOWEVER, when I had my beautiful babies...the rest was history, the family does not see color anymore, they see a part of them and that is what I wish for YOU and your girlfriend should you decide you are mature enough and financially and mentally sound enough to start the family you want. My point is this...though it's nice to have our family's "blessing" we don't always get it. Don't NOT have a baby because her parents wouldn't approve. This is YOUR decision to make, not theirs. I hope I have been of help to You. I hope I have helped you to stand up for what YOU want. And I wish you and your girlfriend the best. Make good choices ok?
Let me know how everything goes...and make sure you rate my advice..good OR bad.
In Light,
Jessica
