AboutNafeesah Expertise I can answer just about everything about interracial dating and what you will expect to deal with if you are in one. I won't answer questions about the psychological elements because I don't have a background in psychology to answer that.
Experience I have been in two long term relationships with individuals who were biracial and I have experience in friends who have dated and are married to people who are of a different race.
Education/Credentials associates degree, bachelors degree, and certified nursing assistant
Question My boyfriend is white and I'm British Asian we don't have a bad relationship for the most part. We've been dating for about 2 years and are currently buying a house together. He is mostly quite laid back.
His best friend hates me though. Ever since we have been dating he has been horrible to me. Going so far as to spit on me several times. We no longer speak at all as a result. And I refuse to be in the same proximity as him. (I must add that prior to dating my boyfriend we, (he - the best friend of my boyfriend) were friends. He is how my boyfriend and I met.
My boyfriend never says anything to his best friend - so the best friend (i shall call him Jim) thinks it's ok to be abusive to me -because it's only ever me that get hurt (physically and emotionally),if it affected my boyfriend it would be different. My boyfriend doesn't say anything to Jim at all. He thinks the issues has nothing to do with him because Jim and I had a friendship before.
In the early days of our relationship Jim's girlfriend Kylie told me #not in exact words but constant hints and very almost said it more than once# that my boyfriend really fancied her and had been trying it on with her. It then culminated in her telling me that they had a threesome. She also told me about things my boyfriend had said to her in confidence about me having cellulite and me being ugly and Asian etc. So I dumped my boyfriend - I would not go out with such a man.
Eventually he denied having said such things or done such things. We made up but in the process every time I was upset about having someone being so awful to me #i should say that she was horrible in passing not in front of other people. Like when we were both in the bathroom or bumped into each other in the local shop - she was also very blatantly racist)- every time I was upset my boyfriend was incredibly protective of Kylie and refused to let me say anything bad about her. He got very angry with me.
I wonder and I feel like like he was so protective of her because she was white and blonde and pretty. The complete opposite of me.
My boyfriend is never protective of me but then he has never been so and I'm not the kind of girl who expects to be treated like a princess. But I cannot help feeling like he thinks white girls are of more value ?
Kylie went back to Australia and things settled and got forgotten.
She's apparently coming back to visit Jim in a few months - which I have just found out via one of my female friends.
Or is it because he's too laid back to notice or care about how I feel? I don't know where I stand and I feel confused and this has all bubbled up inside me again now. Probably because it was never resolved. My boyfriend is difficult to talk to at the best of times. When he's not at work he wants to relax and have fun as he has what he perceives to be a stressful job.
Since Kylie left Jim has been far worse and has started spitting on me.
He tell me he loves me but I feel so confused and I just cant help feeling that he places very little value on me.
If someone was racist towards Paul I would stop it ASAP. I'm quite easy going myself - although very far from being thick skinned it takes a lot to make me stop liking someone and I always give the benefit of the doubt as possible and I don't see the point in being mistrusting...
It feels like he thinks it's ok for his mates namely Jim and Kylie to be abusive towards me. None of his other mates are like this though - they're mostly really decent people.
I just cannot work out where I stand.
He's not a bad person. I don't think he's ever cheated on me - although i will never feel certain because it took him such a long time to deny it and he was so angry with me for saying unpleasant things about her.
So sorry to write such a mess.
Answer You've been with this guy 2 years and his friend and ex is treating you like crap? That's totally unacceptable if you're this guy's girlfriend his friends should be treating you with respect. If he can't defend you to them he's not a real man to you because a man who loves and cares for you will not allow his family or friends to be abusive towards you.
