Interracial Relationships/interracial

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QUESTION: Do black women hate interracial couples because non black men dont want us? why do white women seem to like black men more than white men seem to like black women? when it comes to interracial dating..i feel like we are in school playing a game and everyone is getting picked to play and black women are the goofy geeks that nobody wants on their team so we go sit on the bench and watch everyone else play.

ANSWER: Amber,

Thanks for your question.

One person cannot speak for an entire group any more than a group of people could speak for one person, but I can tell you as an adult Jewish man in a successful interracial marriage that it is up to each of us to either be puppets to what marketing companies and social circles tell us or be our own individuals.

Most television programs and commercials (in print and online as well) now prominently feature black men next to white women, while they almost never feature black women with white men. Part of the reasoning behind this is that black men feel no reservations about pursuing white women. Black women, however, do, so are not as likely to take that course. Statistics and simple observation bear with out (which is one of the reasons my wife and I created InterraceToday.com in the first place).

It used to be that darker skinned women were seen as not as attractive as lighter-skinned African-American women when I was in college and single.

It's my personal opinion as someone who has had black friends since I was a little boy and dated black women since I started dating, and as someone who's read the works of Malcolm X, Amiri Baraka, Alice Walker, Dr. Cornel West, and many others (and I'm sure Malcolm X and Dr. West would agree with me if not others) that as males are more aggressive than women socially and tend to be more extroverted as well they are also more prone to seek "prizes." You see it in the videos and magazines: the rolex, the fancy car, and the white (or Asian) woman on each arm. They are "getting" a prize so to speak because they've always been taught that they could not get this so now they can.

To me, as a young Jewish single man, I thought black women were more beautiful, more intelligent, more socially adept, more self-reliant, than other women I met - but I was obeying my own preferences and had my own support group.

Bottom line with this is that men are more socially extroverted than women, and we all know this. Men are trained from birth to be "go getters" and to be aggressive. Women are never told it's okay to be aggressive socially or go hit on men in the same way.

Black women will either become fewer and fewer in number (in the US) or they will declare their own independence (as the black man certainly has) and date whomever they please and wake up to the truth they can clearly see around them but still deny. It breaks my heart that there are so many beautiful, articulate, loving black women in the US who are either single and alone or with a man who doesn't love them and never could, but would sooner be alone than consider dating someone of another race as their male counterparts are more than happy to do.

Look at Ralph Richard Banks' book "Is Marriage for White People?" He wrote the truth and people went beserk over it, attacking him at every chance, denying what has been happening now for decades. People said he was wrong, others acknowledged he was right but his solution was just plain wrong because God forbid black women should date white or jewish or asian or hispanic men.

Read Banks' book, read InterraceToday.com, try to see yourself as a beautiful woman worthy of what you honestly want. Dare to take constructive action and see what happens.

Best wishes to you, Sister Amber.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: " You see it in the videos and magazines: the rolex, the fancy car, and the white (or Asian) woman on each arm. They are "getting" a prize so to speak because they've always been taught that they could not get this so now they can."
so are you saying black women are not seen as prizes?
people always blame black women for not being open to dating outside of our race but the black females i know are open to it and will do it. non black men just don't say anything to us.
when i was in high school i knew this black girl that was dating this white boy. the white boy friends were picking on him for dating a black girl. he broke up with his girlfriend and later that year he dated a mexican girl and his friends didn't pick on him for that. i feel like non black men see me as less human or less of a woman.

Answer
Black women are prizes to men who value them for being beautiful and wonderful individuals, just as non-black men may be prizes to anyone else who values them.

Who dates or prefers whomever is often relative to taste and personality, but often times it also has much to do with preconceived notions - which is why I'm here to try to help clarify any unclear matters.

When I was in high school, I tried dating white girls. They didn't like me. I asked out a beautiful black girl and found her to be wonderful and kind. I've never dated any white women in my life since that time, and never will, even though I'm a white man.

If non-black men see you as "less human or less of a woman," it's time to look toward other men or perhaps look at men in different scenarios and environments. All I can say to this is that I've been told by black women that they could never date me due to parental and family disapproval (even though they wanted to do so or would consider it). Other women told me I was too "nice" and not "rough neck enough." And by the same token, I know many white and hispanic and asian men who think black women are beautiful but get rejected all the time...so each case is often unique.

Best of luck with your current situation and I will hope that the next non-black man you meet will show you a loving heart and kind demeanor.  

Interracial Relationships

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David

Expertise

I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.

Experience

I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

Organizations
Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.

Publications
InterraceToday.com

Education/Credentials
BA, English Old Dominion University

Awards and Honors
Founder of InterraceToday.com, the internet's only online magazine for multicultural families and interracial couples.

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