Interracial Relationships/interracial dating


I'm Vietnamese and I'm dating a young Indian who came to the U.S for about four years. I think he's mature and responsible for his age. He got through school and found himself a job for a phone company. But I don't know what's up with him and dating... He wouldn't have sex with me. I know he's not dating anyone else for sure, and I have asked him what's wrong. He told me that he doesn't want me to get attached to him if he doesn't get attached to me since we're still dating and getting to know each other. But I have never had this problem before.. a guy refusing to have sex. I'm very outgoing and open, pretty much like an American. And this is my first time dating an Indian guy and I just want to know what they really look for in a girl. I have asked my friend who were raised in Pakistan and she's familiar with Indian people. She told me that they tend to date/ marry people their race. And when I thought about it, he does hang out with his people. He doesn't seem to joke around me. He's always has a serious complexion. I don't know if I should keep dating this guy because I don't feel like we really match.

I think this is more a matter of attachment than racial relations and customs.

He has told you through his behavior that he just isn't "feeling" this relationship, whether he is not attracted to you or not feeling in love, we don't know. But if a man loves a woman or is attracted to her, and is heterosexual, he won't have a problem interacting in such a way that the attraction is clearly communicated. If he liked you and found you attractive, believe me, you would know, regardless of race or customs.

Surely Vietnamese and Indian men and women feel love and compassion for one another just as everyone else on the planet does, so the issues here are those of clear communication and intention.

It is possible that he is using you for some reasons we do not know or simply not interested in long-term commitment. Why be in a passive relationship where you are already feeling that the two of you may not be a solid match emotionally and spiritually and physically?

My feeling is that this is simply a matter of two people not connecting (for whatever reason, which is difficult to analyze without actually meeting the two of you) on a deeper level needed to sustain a relationship. You sense this yourself and the other individual senses it as well. My input would be to suggest parting as friends, keep in touch if you would like to do so, and move on with others who express themselves openly and clearly to you - regardless of race or ethnicity.

Best wishes to you.

Interracial Relationships

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I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.


I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.


BA, English Old Dominion University

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Founder of, the internet's only online magazine for multicultural families and interracial couples.

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