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Interracial Relationships/does he have a gf or does he have a crush on me, im confused


QUESTION: theres this guy I like at my job,im new there well since ive been there he been nothing but xtra nice to me, he'll ask me how my day is going,always smiling at me...he'lol wait for me to get off work if we get off at the same time and ride the elevetor with me....he makes small chit chst when he can...he holds the door open for me....he'll sit back in his seat and watch me if im working in his area and tilt his head back and smile.....

two days ago he rode the elevetor and asked me what am I going to do when I get paid and when do we get paid (mind u he's been there for a few months) I just started..... yesterday he stood in the doorway and looked at me, like he wanted to say something to me but he didnt..... I really like him...and I dunno if hes being nice cuz im new, if hes the company snitch and is nosey, or does he really have a crush on me...we are the same age, im the office assistant and he is an engineer......

well he came back to work today and made sure he let me know he was there, cuz I sure as hell wasnt paying attention, he came up behind me with this big azz smile on his face and was like what you workin on....and tried to help me out.....oh he bought something from my family members fundraiser and I gave him a thank you note and it had a clownhat on a coffeemug with a smiley face on it....and I assume he read it, cuz a few minutes after that, I was talkin to a fellow male co-worker and ol boy passed by me and gave me a dirty look ....jealous maybe?
ive been hurt in the past...and I aint tryna get hurt me thanks

im african american and he is family isnt too fond of that but i dont care...i really like him, and from his actions i think he likes me but i want a second opionion... do you think he'll ever admit it...if he does have one regardless if we work together or not

... today 10/18/2013 he was like the boss is gonna give u more work, watch, i told him to shut up...then he comes around again and repeated himself, and i in turn said i dont like you, and dude put his head down and his face was just so saddened by what i said, cuz he said to me i know, with this hurt look in his face and he didnt even look at me, i just giggled and walked away.....and before he went home he smiled at me and put both hand up with slightly curled fingers waving bye....and i said bye.....why did he do that, and why wont he just ask me out instead of consistantly flirting....i understand we work together, but that doesnt mean we cant make it work. i do like him alot, ...."

"well i went out on a limb today and sent him a note ( i just handed it to him, with my head down and he was like whats this i just shook my head and he was like ok, and then left....well im assmuing he read it cuz he didnt walk past me at all for the rest of the day....the note stated, hey i know we work together and i really do like you and i want to get to know you outside of work, so if you are interested call me, and i left my number.... he didnt stop at my desk like he normally does nor did he pass by me after i gave him that note early this afternonn..... i notcied he did go to the bosses office for a min and i was in the hallway and he looked back at me with no facial expression .....

ANSWER: This seems more like a general male/female relationship and open communication issue than anything that has to do with interracial relationships.

He may like you. You may like him. But his behavior, especially the issue of going to talk with your boss and coming out with no facial expression at all, has me concerned that he is not being direct and may be interested in drama more than real relationships.

I would ask this person, off the clock and clearly after work and not on job property, what his angle or game is. To me, personally, he seems off a little bit...not being clear and direct, staring at you but giving mixed messages. The issue of going to talk with the boss and having a blank facial expression to me indicates that something manipulative is going on, so I would be cautious in continuing and be very aware that this is taking place (or at least some of it is) at work - where he may want to try to get you in trouble for his own rewards.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hi, i appreciate your help, but this guy is crazy azz hell..... he is a stalker or has stalker/murderous tendencies...example, it was me and him yesterday and i left before him..... so he locked up, i come back to work today, tell me why he went through all my stuff last night... the reason i know is because he didnt put anything back the way i had it, my picture was knocked down, my date stamper was moved, he even went through my drawers...that dude scares me, i really need to leave...cuz if hed go that far, he'd do something else.... he gave me dirty looks today...yet had the nerve to say bye kionna and have a good weekend, just smilin his butt off....
i do not trust him at all..., i know i gave him my number and all, but i pray he hasnt looked me up to find out where i stay at... im studying for that exam really hard cuz the sooner i leave the better, cuz im not tryna end up dead in a ditch...he has mentall issuses for real


This is not an interracial question to me, but one about relationships in general.

Your updated response bears out what I said before, about his behavior being unclear and having "no facial expression" after conferring with our boss.

If you feel in your heart that he is deceitful, why have anything to do with him? There are many young men in this world who are attractive and have lots to offer and can be kind and loving without being manipulative. Make the decision that this male is not for you, if that is how you feel and can commit to feeling and be done. If you are concerned that he seems sneaky and untrustworthy and may call you, screen your calls and don't return his call if he does call you. If you feel that this person is not trustworthy and scary, trust your intuition.  

Study for your exam, leave the drama alone, and make a decision to extract yourself from the potentially abusive scenario and not return to anything like it again. Learn everything you can from the person involved, the situation and what got you around the person and make sure you don't repeat the mistake and don't let the drama around it impact your ability to concentrate and focus on an important exam.  

Interracial Relationships

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I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.


I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.


BA, English Old Dominion University

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Founder of, the internet's only online magazine for multicultural families and interracial couples.

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