Interracial Relationships/white woman asian man


Dear David,
I am a 29 years old white woman from Eastern-Europe, living in Germany. I like a guy who is from Eastern-Asia (born and grew up in Germany). We work at the same place, flirting with each other for over a month but I don't understand him and it might be because of cultural differences. He is always very kind to me, smiles, waves to greet, brings me small presents without saying a word. Once he came to me and we had a mutual very embarrassed small talk. He gets red if I approach him. I always give him a wide smile and I have approached him twice with stupid topics just to talk. apparently he was very happy I did so.
We are appox of the same age and height.
My question: why doesn't he ask me for a date? what does he except?  Might he think that he would be rude if he asked for my name or number? Should I be the one offering it? Or am I just an inpatient European...? If he just finds me a nice person but not more why does he go red if we meet? If he likes me as a women why doesnt he do something concrete? He must feel I like him too, it is so obvious. Or is he just shy?
Thank you very much for your answer in advance!


We don't know sure why the guy in question is reacting the way he is. He's polite and friendly at times but seems uncomfortable being approached directly at other times. For all we know, he could be married or seeing someone, could feel that directly approaching him is somewhat untoward or maybe he's very shy. Being born from Eastern Asia doesn't necessarily clearly define his psychology or customs, so we're kind of operating on limited information.

It's interesting that he smiles, waves, and is polite but turns red if approached. He may come from a very conservative family and simply inherited socially conservative customers, which seems likely based on the limited information we have to go on.

This being the possible case, it may be appropriate that he not approach you and ask for a date. Even if he appears friendly and likes you as a person, would you want to get involved with a person who is clearly uncomfortable when being directly approached by you? If he's not married or involved with someone else, my guess is that he's simply very socially modest and conservative. He may not be comfortable asking a woman out and may not feel comfortable in these types of social scenarios. If that's the case, (and there's clearly something going on), the question in my view is whether or not you'd want to get involved with someone who you would have to (at the least) coach and work with at least on some levels.

Personally, I don't like drama and unnecessarily complicated relationships. I would recommend being friendly and cordial with him, but not expect much else unless he makes the first move. He's obviously someone who has difficulty expressing himself and being in social situations or getting attention, so why push him when there are many men out there who don't have these issues? Be polite, be cordial, ask him how he is if he'll let you, and you can try to get into conversations -  and see if he'll respond to questions about how he feels about relationships or social situations- but be prepared for him to be uncomfortable or uneasy as well.  

Interracial Relationships

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I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.


I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.


BA, English Old Dominion University

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