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Interracial Relationships/should i continue my relationship


hi im from china and my bf is from kenya, we are in 5 year relationship.
in this 5 year we gone through a lot, he alway poor and i have to buy him food and borrow him money and he try to delay to return it because he want to buy his toy. we also argue a lot because of this and a lot of other stuff and stuff gone pretty ugly when he hit me i call the police. anyway in the end im always go back for him. actually i always pity him, and feel bad when he dont have good phone , no food and so on.

i dont know  why he like to lie, this making me paranoid. he like to hide a of stuff from me like busniess, what in his mind and so on. i dont trust him, being with him making me confuse and i dont know what to do since i never told my family because i know they will not approve.and imagine he lie about his dad was having affair therefore he delay paying the debt

and each time when we argue, he never want us to sit down and talk. he only like to said im sorry and move on without even resolving any issue.

another thing is he never help me whenever i need him.

we also got other more issue mostly about trust, but we always go back because we like talking to each other

so keep it or leave

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If you were to keep this relationship, what would you really be keeping?

Based on what you described, you would be keeping a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering in your life:

You don't trust him, he's not supportive, you feel he lies, and he is poor at communicating and resolving issues. Your issues do not seem to originate in a problem due to race or culture, but the poor character of the man you are involved with.

You describe him as physically abusive and financially irresponsible. If if were you, I would address within myself why you keep going back to someone who treats you so badly. Nobody deserves abuse or to be used, but you have to be the one to stand up and say you will no longer tolerate this behavior from the man in your life.

If he does not have food or a phone, that's his responsibility, not yours. You have the classic case of an abuse cycle going on here. It's time to break the cycle. And based on the repeating cycle of previous years, it does not seem like after 5 years that he's ever going to change.

The only one who can change this situation is you, since you are wise and aware enough to be questioning whether you should stay in this relationship.

You did not say you have children together, and you are not married, so you have more freedom to leave this relationship than other people who do have children. That is something to be grateful for; you have no other external factors tying him to you.

You then also need to establish clear boundaries on what exactly it is you do want out of a relationship. Perhaps some down-time would be good where you take a break from dating and focus on who you are and what you want.

Whether you stay in or leave this relationship is up to you, but it seems unhealthy to me based on what you described. You say you like talking to him, but I'll bet there are plenty more men out there that you would like talking to and who would treat you with more respect.  

Interracial Relationships

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I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.


I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.


BA, English Old Dominion University

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Founder of, the internet's only online magazine for multicultural families and interracial couples.

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