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Interracial Relationships/Racial Stereotypes of Black Women

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Question
Hello, This is my first interracial relationship and I am currently engage to a Latino. He make me very happy and I am proud to be with him. His brother~(Raf) just married a white woman~(Wen) and I am trying my best to get along with her. I gave my life to God and I have no intentions of returning back. When I was introduce to Wen, we got along good until I started seeing her for what she really is. She pretend to be a sweet person while hiding how she really feel toward them. Example, she spoke about the women on her job, how and I quote "Those Girls know better than to mess with me". I pulled her to the side and explained to her, her coworkers are not girl but are women.She said she was sorry and I forgave her. Now the next time Wen and Raf came over to the house Raf was saying What's up my Negro but he pronounced it my nigga, This was so funny to Wen, but it hurt me. So I explained to my fiance that it was not good for his brother to say this in public or to me even-if he doesn't mean anything by it. Next, Wen was speaking to Raf and my fiance about her job. Per Wen her boss said he will not hire any more of them(she jerk her head towards me) because they are too much drama. She spoke of this everyday for the past week. I finally had enough and I told Wen how I felt. Well, she said I should not feel this way because she is not a racist and those were not racist slurs. She then tell Raf and my fiance that I have issues because I am trying to make everything a black and white issue and I like to fight/argue and they believed her and not me. They questioned me about " Why are people angry all the time. I said we are not angry people, we are just like everyone else. We believe in respect for one another always, no matter who you are.I can go on and on about different incidents that are far worst then this that occurred. Problem, now My Fiance think I like to argue and fight. We get into arguments sometime but we always sit down and discuss and workout our problems. What can I do to make my fiance believe better about me and my race?

Answer
Ann,

When you're dating someone in an interracial relationship, it's particularly challenging at times depending upon societal pressures and how (if) they're dealt with. It sounds like the woman you are describing is simply combative and trifling (to borrow a popular phrase). Remember that the relationship is between you and the man, not the women, not the trifling people who may be hanging around. You have to isolate and focus on the truth and who matters.

You need to explain to your fiancee very calmly and with rational fact that you were provoked by a manipulative person or behavior and that is not who you are. Represent yourself in the best light possible as a respectable woman of color and let everything else fall into place. People who relish drama need to be left alone to fight/argue with other children; they are a waste of time for adults. Drama takes up energy, time, and ultimately money and family.  

Interracial Relationships

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David

Expertise

I can answer questions on the topic of interracial relationships, diversity, and multiculturalism.

Experience

I'm a white, Jewish man in his mid-forties who has been happily married to a black woman now for 15 years. I dated interracially for my entire life, so feel comfortable and informed on the topic, having lived it my entire life.

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Former member of the Society of Professional Journalists, Investigative Reporters and Editors, and the American Federation of Teachers.

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InterraceToday.com

Education/Credentials
BA, English Old Dominion University

Awards and Honors
Founder of InterraceToday.com, the internet's only online magazine for multicultural families and interracial couples.

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