Interracial Relationships/To move in or not...
Hi, I am currently 18 years old I just started college this year, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years and we are very serious and love each other a lot. My boyfriend is 19 and turning 20 next month, in a few months he will be moving out of his place with his dad and getting a 1 bedroom apartment, my boyfriend has always wanted me to move in with him but I always refused because when we were in high school and I just didn't feel like it was the best time and because I felt like I would have to leave everything I know. I really do love him and I want to move in with him now, but the issue that's always come up is that we're in a secret relationship. My parents and family have no clue I'm with him because religiously I'm not allowed to date (his family is also not from the same faith or background but him and I both are not very religious). My family is very religious. I really want to move in with him because of our secret relationship we don't get to spend as much time together as we would like and also it is very tiring keeping up this lie all the time. I've always been scared to move in with him because I know my parents wouldn't approve and it would probably end in all ties being cutting off with my family. Also I don't have a job my parents support me, I live with them, and they pay for my tuition, and currently my bf is not in school. I'm just wondering if I should move in with him when he gets his place in a couple of months? or should I continue to wait till I graduate and get a solid job? I'm just scared to make this gamble but at the same time I've always been playing it safe! and I just feel like maybe I need to take a risk for myself (self-growth) and for my relationship. Do you think this is the right time? or is it too hasty? P.S my bf's parents are supportive of our relationship and I have met them they are aware of our circumstances and do like me.
My apologies I was having major computer issues making it difficult to get to my questions that were being submitted. I took a moment to read over what you wrote to me and I think in my opinion you should wait to move in because you're young and you might be serious now, but things are a lot different when you're in your 20s, 30s, and older. By the time you reach that age you have matured and many young couples like you and your boyfriend move in because they don't want to be alone. In reality many couples who live together face a higher rate of divorce than ones who don't move in. Also you're not working so if you do move in with your boyfriend he's likely going to be the one footing the bills for rent and you mentioned tha your parents are religious that also poses a problem because you will know their stand on cohabitation before marriage and the schpeel on pre marital sex. First I would really focus on securing a job and start saving money because in the case that the living arrangement doesn't work you got some financial security to get yourself back on your feet. Living together is also a big step because you will have to deal with your boyfriend's bad habits and he will have to deal with yours. You will have to agree on who pays what bills in the house and what your budget will be food and personal items. It's almost like a trial marriage so keep that in mind. Also let me put this out there for you to really keep in mind as you contemplate your decision about moving in. When you move in with a man you are giving him a reason not to marry you and making that commitment to you. I can see it if you guys did it after getting engaged because you're going to be setting up house. You've been together for four years you both need to really discuss if moving in at your age is the right thing to do. Are you and your boyfriend planning to marry? You need to discuss that because too many women move in with their boyfriends and will be under the impression that living together will lead to marriage and few marriages come of those who live together beforehand. The proverbial lie women are continuing to buy into is that you need to try it before you buy it and what I am saying is buyer beware because cohabitation benefits a man more than a woman and reason being is that you can't hold him accountable if he walks out because when you're married he's legally accountable. If you have children before marriage that won't keep a man there in fact he'll leave a lot faster, but legally he will have to support his children. I would suggest some reading for you to get an idea as to what the pros and cons are for cohabitation and make a sound and informed choice before you make a final determination as to whether living together is right for you. Get on Google and look up the pros and cons of living together and it should help you to get a clear and concise picture as to what you will deal with in a cohabitation arrangement.