Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 4/24/2004

Question
Hi Melissa! I really need your point of view here.
I'm a 19(going on 20) year old female college student.
In Sept 2003 I met this guy called Ted (he's 22 chinese from hong kong) through a mutual friend in college. He used to flirt and stare alot, and soon after that I started to like him. We didn't get a chance to get closer, and I was a really shy person especially when it came to guys. A few months later in December, I decided to do something really crazy, I went up to him and told him directly 'I like u'. He didn't look suprised, told me that I'm brave for going up to him, and he told me that he's not ready for a relationship at the moment. He said he found me attractive and I'm nice, but he'd like to start out as friends, and see how everything hits off from there. He told me to come to him if I have any problems he could help with. I also told him that this was the first time I had any form of experience with guys (which is true, as I said, I've always been painfully shy with guys). Another thing, he also told me that he was afraid that we wouldn't understand each other as well, 'cause he's a foreigner and english isn't his 1st language. Yeah, that's about it. After that day, he left to return to his country(Hong Kong), and I didn't see him until 2 months later in February. I confided in a close mutual friend about him, and she told me that he actually has a girlfriend back in his country. I don't understand why he didn't tell me about this(if he really loved or cared for his gf he would've told me about her existence, don't u think?). When he came back, he was friendly and flirty like he had been before, but after a few weeks, he became 'colder' towards me although we're not on bad terms, and I began to lose interest in him. I guess the incident in December changed who I was as a person, and in 2004, I was a more independant, open and fun-loving person. I am not as shy with the opposite sex as I was before and I have loads of male friends now, so that shifted my attention from him. About a month ago, I was sitting with a group of friends. There were 4 of us, me, a girlfriend called Gail, a guy called Jeff (whom I was introduced to by Gail) and Ted himself. Jeff is a friend of Ted's, and at that time, Jeff was flirting with me and taking my number, although I'm not interested in Jeff, he's a nice guy, and I gave him my number. I was interested in seeing Ted's reaction, and he barely uttered a word during the whole session at the library. Jeff is one of Ted's close friend, and later that day Gail told me that Jeff liked me.
After that incident, Ted started staring at me more often, and he suddenly got much friendlier and eager to talk to me everytime I see him. He'd also stare everytime I talk to any guy, and once he even interrupted a conversation I was having with another guy, just to tell me some lame stuff. His best friend Gary (whom I don't even know), would also stare at me everytime I'm around. I've never seen Ted act that way before, and my feelings for him have re-blossomed. Since the December incident, I've never indicated to him in any way that I still like him.
What's going on and what should I do?
Why is he behaving this way?
Do you it's possible that he might be having feelings for me?
When in college and around him, I act easygoing and bubbly like everything's going great, but deep inside I feel confused and excited at the same time.
Please tell me what u think. Thank you so much!

Answer
Hey Fifi
I don't really have any idea why he is acting this way. Maybe he really did like you at first but when he went to Hong Kong and saw his gf he felt bad about liking you, so he tried to not have feelings for you by ignoring you and treating you badly. Then after those few months he knew he still liked you and that there was nothing he could do about it. That might be a possibility but I'm not sure. It does sound like he likes you a lot and is very jealous that you're talking to other guys. First of all you should find out if he has a gf or not. If your friend or someone else other than him tells you he has a gf then you should confront Ted about it. Since you like him you could go ahead and tell him and see what he says. If he has a gf you could ask him about her and would he stay with her or would he go with you. It's really up to you but that's what I would suggest to do. Anyways I hope he doesn't have a gf and you guys can start going out! I wish you the best of luck!
Melissa