Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 8/16/2004

Question
i'm in a very new relationship with a guy of a different race...i'm white, he's black...my mom would not have a problem with this if were any other minority...but the fact that he's black is an issue with her...i tried to have a civilized conversation with her about this...but she won't talk about it, or listen to me...i asked her if she would at least meet him, because i know if she did she would approve of him, but she refused...could you please give me some other ideas of how to help her at least listen to me?

Answer
Hey Laura
The truth is is that you can't force her to listen to you. If she wants to be stubborn about it then that is her problem. If you want you could try a different approach. You could invite him over to meet her but have your mom suspect that he is just a friend. Once he meets her she'll be forced to at least see what he's like and get to know him a bit better. Or you could take your mom out somewhere in public and have him meet you somewhere, wherever you guys will be, and then act like you were surprised to see him there. Then you can introduce him to your mom. I know it'll probaly take a lot of planning and work but it has worked for me and for some other people I know. By the way if she still doesn't like him after meeting him, then you will have to show her how much it's working between you guys. In other words the relationship will have to last for a few more months. You said the relationship is new which might be a reason why she is not listening to you and taking it seriously. Just wait a few more months until she knows it's serious, then she'll probaly have some sort of serious discussion with you. I hope it works out with this guy, and most of all, I hope your mom will change her feelings toward interracial relationships! I wish you the best of luck and I really hope she'll like this guy! Good luck!
Melissa