Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 8/2/2006

Question
Hey Melissa, I need more help.  

I have written to you before but I doubt that you remember me.  You get so many of these questions I’m pretty sure you don’t keep track of them all.  Anyway’s I am still having problems.  Just to refresh your memory, I have been dating this Indian girl who is 27.  I am 23 yrs old mixed with Black, Chinese, Spanish, and Indian.  I am also physically disabled.  I’m pretty sure you can imagine the problems we have.  Her parents won’t accept me because I’m not full Indian.  I don’t know what their problem is because I look like an Indian sometimes.  Especially when I put Gel in my hair.  Also because of my disability she gets irritated because I am a little slow and can’t do certain things.  I can do almost anything but it just takes a little time.  She doesn’t have a lot of patience.  Anyway’s she broke up with me and disappeared for a month.  No phone calls, or e-mails.  My heart was broken.  After being gone for a month she finally showed up at my house one night to talk to me.  She told me that she missed me and that she has been very lonely for the past month.  She told me that she cried many nights thinking of me etc…  Well one thing led to another and we ended up having sex that night.  So we eventually got back together after that night.  But before she broke up with me we had strong talks of marriage.  So while she was gone my priorities changed and I realized that I don’t want to get married to anyone anytime soon.  I’m just not ready physically, mentally, or financially.  I’m only 23 for Gods sake.  So now that she’s back she wants to get married to me again and soon.  But I’m just not at that point in my life right now.  I do want to marry her one-day but I just can’t do it anytime soon.  I need more time to get my act together.  I know if I tell her this she will probably leave me.  I don’t want that to happen because I love her and I want to marry her just not now.  I’m not established yet.  What should I do?  

Answer
Hello
Well I ccan toally understand how you are not ready and you need to tell her that. If she loves you and if this is really meant to be then she will understand that there is no hurry. But tell her that. Like I said before if this is really love she will understand that. You vguys can still be together and have a relationship but marraige is a very important commitment and you need to do that when you are reeady. So explain this to her. Like I said before if she really cares about you then she should understand that and not leave you. Just have a talk with her about it. And whatever you do don't go into a marraige when you are not ready especially with someone who will leave you just cause you are not ready. Anyways good luck with this and remember to be honest and that if she really loves you she wont leave you like that!
Melissa