Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 3/2/2004

Question
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F name is ken, i am in love with my girlfriend Iesha... i'm white she is black. when we first started dating she was 100%in love with me, i was 5%, i wanted to get laid and didn't care... well i succeded in getting laid, although after, doing (IT) and then breaking up. doing it  then breaking up, it's like i've used up all my chances... i've grown to love her, i love her so much i have asked the big question... and i really mean i wnat to marry her, and go through whatever it takes... but now it's hard for her to trust me and her trust and faith in me is all i need, she said yes to marrying me, but every small thing thats questionable about our relationship, she flips out like i'm lieing not like before but it's because how i broke her heart so many times and she can't believe me or trust in how i feel now... no more problems and all i wnat is to be with her... what should i tell her to show her that i'm for real and she can trust me...?
         thanks ken kenison...
         fmxrider75@hotmail.com
Answer -
Hey Ken
Well It's really hard to gain a girl's trust especially after hurting her. But the best thing you could do is to prove that you really love her and would never ever do anything like that to her again. Action speaks louder than words...You could try doing something for her she has always wanted to do or you could do something extremely sweet like from the heart, this may seem stupid but to give u an idea one time this guy make me a dog out of starbursts(which are my favorite candy and animal). Also you could do other stuff besides materialistic things. Spend the day doing everything she wants, write her a poem, all sorts of things. You also have to understand that to gain back trust takes time. Especially when the trust was broken like that it takes a lot of time. Be her friend and show her you're there for her and that as much as she needs you need her too. Eventually but slowly she'll trust you again just be patient and try to understand from her point of veiw too you know.I mean how would you have liked for a girl to do that to you... so be patient and be there for her and hopefully some day she'll ollowup To
Question -
Myhave faith in you. Good luck with everything and I hope everything goes well with the wedding and your marriage!Good luck!
Melissa

my follow up question... is that do you reaaly think that just being friends with her will later get us back together       like othr   times i broke her heart we didn't get back till we had sex, and in the midle she started crying and told me that she really wants to be with me and we got back together during sex!...   but it's so hard to just be friends with her because i seriously want her love so deeply. it's almost like every time i see her i just want to cry an tell her veverything again and try to convince to being with me, ittakes hours an eventually she gets even more mad and says i realy don't want really what that,what i want is for to not want to be with me and to stop becaue i don't care for you anymore "were over ken, never agin"  but i know if we had sex then we would get back together, because she really does care an she just puts up a wall between me and her and nothing i can say or do proves anything! i just don't want lose her the marriage is obvously off because were not together, but r u sure just being freinds is the best i can do ? i don't want her to forget about me in the loving way an only bthink an know me as a friend an then never allow a relationship again...  i took her virginity, and after we broke up a few times way back in the day she had sex with other men like 6 through the years an she says nothing compares to the sastisfaction and love she feeles when we do it, she says i'm so perfect inn every way... i just don't know what to do, is it right to get her in bed again just to be together again because i know truly that is what she wants?  

Answer
Hey Ken
What I meant by a "freind" was the friendship that two people have in a relationship. Like its kind of hard for me to explain so I'll just use my relationship as an example. Me and my boyfriend we do "stuff" and everything but he's also my friend. He talks to me about stuff and advises me about things. He takes care of me and encourages me and to me that is what a boyfriend or even a friend should do for you. so that's what I meant by a friend. You guys are in a relationship and a relationship requires love,trust, and friendship. So there's no other way at all for you to get with her besides having sex? there has to be another way and I have no clue why she is getting mad at you and saying all thouse mean things to you while you tell her you love her and try to explain it all to her. I don't want to answer your question on would it be right for you to make love to her just to be together again because people have different views on it. But here's a way to help you make a descison on that. Would you want a girl to be with you just because you had great sex with her? If no there's your answer if yes there's your answer. Me personally I don't think that's right but it all depends on your opinion.Again good luck and I hope everything goes well and that she gets back with you in some way or another! If you want to talk about this with me I am definately hear to listen and help you...Good luck!
Melissa