About Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) Expertise I can help you with anything you need to know about interracial dating. I myself have been in many relationship with different races. I have also experienced when your parents are not accepting of who you want to date. So if you ever need advice feel free to ask me.
Experience I have dated many guys of various races,cultures and religions.I have also helped many of my friends who had dated different races. Also I've been in different high school and college related organizations.
Question I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend for over a year. He is black and so are about half of the guys I have dated for the last ten years. My father is very old fashioned and has told me since I was very young that I was never allowed to "do drugs or go out with black guys" or he would disown me. He has "caught" me numerous times over the years and argues with me and screams and asks questions which I tell him I don't have to answer because he is being ignorant and using the n-word and calling me names. The problem is my dad is very persistent and will call me literally 50 times in a row for several days until I answer, so I eventually talk to him when he is calm and he says "Just say you're not in a relationship "like that"!" and I don't answer, I just tell him to stop asking this question because I have already answered a million times. Every few months he will go through my cell phone bill (which he pays and is in his name) and investigate my numbers and ask why I am calling a black guy all the time and again I refuse to answer. I know I should stand up to him and tell the truth but I have always been afraid of him when I was younger because he was supporting me through college etc. Also I do not want to lose my relationship with him until its absolutely necessary because he's my dad and I love him, and I would miss him if he did not speak to me anymore. I do not need his financial support anymore but the secrecy and lies have become such an ingrained habit that I wouldn't know how to tell him the truth, and he continually reminds me that I am not to be dating black guys. He has such an obsession with it that I know deep down he knows the truth and is in denial, but he won't face the truth and I won't tell him. I don't understand why anyone would even care about things like this especially not to such an extreme point. My boyfriend is wonderful to me and everyone in my family loves him except my dad, who has no idea who he is. I have thought about going to a priest to talk to my dad with me because I think my dad would have more respect for him and not freak out as badly. My dad's views are very distorted but he's my dad and I love him and I would love to go about this without losing him but I don't know how. No one has been able to give me any useful advice because my dad is not like other reasonable people when it comes to this. Do you have any advice?
Answer Hello
I agree with you that your father must know about you dating black guys. If he didn't he certainly would not go out of his way to ask you and he would not care so much. I'm glad to hear that everyone in your family loves your boyfriend cause these situations are easier to deal with when there's just one conflict (your father). Okay so I think you might be right about talking about this with someone else there to help mediate and who is on your side. If there is nobody on your side, he might start yelling at you and have his reasoning overpower yours and he might just walk out and refuse to hear anymore. If someone else is there ( a family member, or a priest preferably) like you said, he will have more respect and will act maturer when discussing this with you. I doubt this will be a huge shocker to him considering he knows. That's why he keeps asking you, he's waiting for you to just tell him the truth and get this out in the open. So I doubt this will shock him beyond belief, but you should tell him with a family member or someone who is trustworthy and who supports your relationship. If the person helping doesn't support you, well as you know that will turn out bad. About telling him... start out small... say something like "dad Ive been dating the most wonderful guy for over a year. Your dad will ask what he is like and tell him everything, including his race and whatever happens from there depends on his responses. But talk about this with someone else and only until you are ready. You are right... it's time for you to stop lying but if you really don't feel like it then wait till you are ready cause it's possible he may disown you. Although if the whole family is on your side that's unlikely, but do it when you feel ready and make sure that when you do it, you do it with someone your dad respects and who is on your side. Good luck!
Melissa
