Expert: Melissa Burton (a.k.a Bee) - 7/7/2007

Question
alright my sister and this guy have been together for a year and a half. they started out as friends then went from there to bf/gf openly, bf/gf exclusively, engaged(wedding in november), engaged(wedding in august), no more wedding, nothing to each other at all, back to bf/gf exclusively, and now they are planning their own wedding for next year. the problem is that the guy is from Albania. my family and i don't really know anything about it, or at least i don't. with the times that i've been with my sister and this guy they seem nice and like they love each other but when they are alone i can hear them fighting. i've seen how he's treated her for the whole year and a half and sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. there are times when he seems to be very loving toward her but toher times he's very controlling and selfish. just an example, she was working a lot last summer and finally had a weekend off and she chose to spend some time with the girls in her family. he didn't want her to be with us but for her to be with him and so he drove 3 hours to where we were just to be with her. basically i'm asking for some information on what Albanian men are like toward women and how they treat women in Albania. any other advice you have for me would be great also. sorry to make it so long. thatnk you again.

Answer
Hello
Well I know nothing about the Albanian culture and if I really wanted to know... I would research it but I'm sure you can do that yourself. Also I don't know if you have ever been in a relationship before but it's normal for couples to have their ups and downs. It seems a bit strange that they cut off the wedding and are now having it but it's very important that you know if this is the person you should marry, so I can understand that. Everyone has their flaws too. I'm glad to hear he is loving and it's a shame that he is controlling and selfish but that is something he needs to work on. I'm sure your sister has her own set of problems too that are not helpful in the relationship. Anyway you should talk to her and tell her of your worries for her. also I can understand how he wanted to be with your girlfriend during that time. I know me and my bf have very busy lives and when we do have time to be together, I want us to be together, that is normal, and honestly I think he handled it very well. A lot of men in that situation would have just gotten pissed, yelled at her, and threatened to break up. He on the hand did get a bit angry but he made it work by driving out there so she can spend time with both you guys and his family. So from what you told me the guy doesn't sound so bad. I'm sure he can be a pain but he is handling it well and for a relationship to work, both partners need to be able to compromise. You are not in their relationship and he may be working on his issues, but if you are unsure voice your feelings to your sister. I'm not sure about his culture but that really shouldn't matter at this point.
Melissa