Expert: Ms. HeartBeat - 11/24/2001

Question
I have been dating a black guy off and on for the past three years. My parents do not approve of him because he does bad things. Last year when we broke up it was because I asked him to change and he didnt want to. Well shortly after he moved away. Six months went by and when school started again he came back to school. He told me how much he missed me and I told him we could not be together unless he changed, because I was already risking getting kicked out of my house if i was caught with him. He said he understood and that he would change. Then he told me that he went back to his ways. We broke up and he said I was being to hard on him and that he couldn't change over night and that we could just wait till I was 18 and then he wouldn't have to change at all and we could be together. I told him I didn't want to wait and that I don't want to be with him if he won't change and that he needs to make up his mind on what is more important. He says that I don't love him because of this, and he gets mad when I ignore him and don't let him touch me.

   please let me know if I am making a huge mistake!

Answer
No, you are not making a mistake... he is!

HE is the one that insists on doing dumb stuff!  I admire your spunk and willingness to not take his mess.  This kind of thing crosses color lines and really has nothing to do with the fact that your relationship is interracial - just that he is the wrong kind of guy for any young girl trying to be positive and growth-oriented about her life.

Whehter you are 18, 28, 38 or 68, you should NEVER waste your time loving a man that does not meet your standards.  When you do is when you end up pregnant and stuck with some stupid fool that was NEVER the man you wanted him to be and sure isn't going to magically change to be that man just because you have his baby.

I'm glad you wrote to me for reassurance Kali.  Stick to your guns and do NOT let him into your world. Tell him that you deserve better and that you are going to have it and that obviously that better man is something he has no interest in being, so you don't have the time.  Let him talk to the hand girlfriend cause the face is just NOT trying to understand the drama that comes with this brother!