QUESTION: Hi My story is about my ex boyfriend who is also the father of my child. We met each other about 4 years ago,he was a good friend of my twin brother. So in 2010 we began our relationship and i got pregnant early in the relationship before we could really get to know each other. I was 17 at the time and i was really scared and confused.I was already going through a lot of other issues for example my twin brother passed away months before i got pregnant and it was a very sad time for us (my family). So with me being a teen i was afraid of what others might have to say about me being pregnant,but as time went by i was fine,happy and had lots of support.In the beginning of my pregnancy the father of my child was there and seemed very happy and i thought that we were going to be together long term and raise our baby like a family should.But months later things began to go wrong,my boyfriend didn't call/text or come by to see me for about 3 months.I was so clueless,didn't know why.Then one day i was talking to his sister on the phone and she told me that he was cheating on me and that he had been with a girl for about 2 or 3 months.I didn't want to believe it.i was so heart broken,i felt sad,lonely,unwanted,and depressed.So i got in contact with him and he came over to see me one day and he acted like nothing was wrong.i didn't really understand why he thought it was okay for him to not speak with me in months.I asked him about everything and his excused for not coming to see or contacting me was "he said he was scared because it was getting close for me to have the baby and he didn't know what to do".I asked him was he cheating he told me no.I wanted to believe him so i left everything alone and forgave him so we can move on.A few days later everybody was telling me he was cheating he has another girlfriend and then finally i seen it for myself the girl actually was trying to start arguments with me and she would say things like "a baby can't make a guy stay" or he is both of our man".She was saying things to make me mad and to leave him.And every time i ask him about the girl he would get upset and say i don't care nothing about that girl! The whole situation got out of control and led to more problems.After i had my baby things between us didn't get any better between us.he was in and out of jail and to top it all off he got the girl pregnant.She finally got what she wanted.Me and him broke up for good,she was pregnant and i was out of the picture.As time went by i look back at all the mistakes I've made and how much I've learned and I'm happy to be free of that drama but until this day i still don't understand why he lied and cheated on me instead of telling the truth.why hasn't he apologized to me after all this time? Does he regret what he did to me? do he knows how much he hurt me?
His birthday is December 2 1992
and the girl date of birth is June 19
My date of birth is October 3 1993
Hope you can help
ANSWER: First of all, I'm sorry I didn't get the notification of having a new question until this morning. Idk why that happened..I normally answer them by the next day. Sorry about that!
Here's what I see about it. When you two hooked up, neither of you were developed enough to know what you want for a long term relationship, even if you really really liked each other. Boyfriends and life experience are how we learn what we want. He wanted to move on but felt guilty about you being pregnant. Instead of being honest, he was trying to protect himself from seeing you hurt. In the end he hurt you WAY more. I'm sure he is sorry even if he won't admit it to you. His not ever telling you sorry is the same avoidance he hasn't learned to deal with. He is trying to protect himself but it would give him a lot of peace to be honest.
When people are cruel to others, its because they have been damaged. Those who do not love others are in need of love themselves because they shut it out. Their disregard for others is a tragedy of disconnection. Their dishonesty and cruelty is untrue to themselves, their relationships are superficial. If one is true to themselves, they would be honest, kind and have depth in their relationships.
One thing you could do...write a letter to him describing ONLY the pain you suffered. Do not judge him...only tell him how it felt to you. Do not ask him if he is sorry or expect a response. Just know that you have provided him the opportunity to see what suffering his actions caused for you. Even if he never replies or reacts by getting angry. Let the fact that you expressed your pain to him as your closure so that it doesn't again recirculate in your mind. But you have to decide that you don't need a response or even a positive one. He has to work it out on his own, it may take a while for him to learn his lesson. Even a bad reaction is a sign that it is working on his heart. I wouldn't respond to him if he does that, let it go at that knowing you haven't done anything wrong and its now HIS drama to deal with, not yours.
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QUESTION: That's okay and Thanks for you reply...
As time went by i realized the same thing (neither of us wasn't developed enough to know what we wanted for a long term relationship)...
And i kind of knew deep down that he wasn't ready for all the stuff we had going on but neither was i.
As we spent more and more time together i thought things would get better but it didn't.
I've grown and learn over the time and I'm not the same young girl i used to be,I'm changing into a smart young lady that's why I'm not mad or holding any grudges against him..i was just trying to fully understand him and why things happen the way it did but i think I'm seeing things more clearly now. :)
And as a matter of fact i did write him a letter telling him how hurt i was but i didn't get a response..When it comes down to him i used to get mix feelings like one day i would really like him then the next day i would dislike him (kind of crazy) but now even though i don't think we would ever get back together i still will care for him with all my heart..
It did take me some time to move on that's why i've been single for about a year,trying to focus on myself but i did..And now i think I'm ready to start a new relationship..
You sound like you're on the right track. With that mindset you'll find somebody you like who is kind. I have gone through that process of love/hate as well. Its normal...that's how your mind sorts things out for you. Its almost like you have to neutralize all of your feelings to move on.
There's never anything wrong with remembering what you DID like about him and still liking those things. Some people will act like you are supposed to hate everything about him to move on but that's not true at all. As long as the big picture is present, liking details is fine. I think you are doing great.
Keep in mind the things you liked, throw away from your mind what you hated and then add the things that you wanted an never had. Are you familiar with the Law of Attraction/The Secret?