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Islam - Marriage

Expert: MuslimHood - 10/29/2009

Question
assalamwaliakum. i hope you can help with this situation. i am a non muslim girl who converted to Islam long ago. i am now married to a muslim guy. we were very happy since we got together in 2005 but we are always arguing due to the fact that i had a past i.e i had loved some1 else before i met him. i was going out a muslim boy. but my now husband also had a paset but i never pick on him bkoz of that. we are in foreign country and he has lost his job its been a while. our friend also used to live next door where we were first renting and they asked us to look for a house where we can share the rentas they were also have some fiancial trouble. since moving together i have not been in peace at all. my husband and i are always arguing on small matters. n just on the eve of Eid we had a huge fight and we not really talking. i am still doing everyfing for him but he does not talk only when i talk to him. he replies. we argued because that friend of mine who is also married was texting another man. she asked me to keep her mobile but my husb saw the mob n thought it was mine. now that girl is trying ti mislead him by saying its mine as her husband was there. i tried to explain even klad dat other man he was txting but my husband will not blieve me @ all, i dnt knw what to do. now he blieves everyfing the girl says. sometimes he doesnot want to look @ me @ all as if there's smfing on me. those so kald friend of mine dnt talk to me now n always backbitting about me. my husb still come back to my room at night.sometimes he talks to me as if nfing happened but wen we go back to the living room and he sees thar girl there his mood changes n stop talking to me. he does not even glance at me n he could be like that for days. is there any duahs that can help me have my hsband back. i am praying day n night but does not seem to succeed. am crying all day long n sometimes talks to myself as i have no one to talk to... please help me... or i will go mad for sure... please please.

Answer
Praise be to Allah!

Wa'3laykum assalam wara7matulla7e wabarakatu7u!

Sister, since you've converted to Islam, you're no longer considered as a non-Muslim. And you should know that by asking for details of a person’s past and wanting to know what sins they might have committed when they were ignorant about Islam – this is not right at all. Allah covers people’s sins and loves to see them covered (i.e., not dragged out into the open). So long as a person has repented, his sins have been wiped out. Islam deletes whatever came before, so why should we ask questions that will only embarrass people? Allah accepts people’s repentance without their having to confess or expose their sins to any other person. A number of the Sahaabah had committed adultery and murder repeatedly, or had buried infant girls alive, or stolen things, but when they entered Islam they were the best of people. No one needs to be reminded of a shameful past; it is over and done with, and Allah is the All-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
As for your problem, I strictly recommend you to be aware of that girl and don't let your husband meet her, mixing in Islam is haraam and now you could see the results yourself. It is better to reside separately. I fear hasaad from that girl to you and family. As for dua'as the best cure is Quran. Recite surah Baqarah with intention that Allah protect you and family from fitnahs, evil, hassad, bad people and shaytaan.
Be kind to yourself, and remember that there are millions of women like you who are may be in worst situation then this. May Allah open your heart to contentment with His decree and give you peace of mind about your situation and fill your heart with happiness. You are better off than many others and do not let these negative feelings and frustrations prevail over you and increase your sense of sadness and sorrow and make shaytaan happy seeing you in such a condition. Just do tawaqal Allah and you'll get the result, Insha'Allah.
Allah says:
“Surely, Allah is with those who are As‑Saabiroon (the patient)” [al-Anfaal 6:46]

Allah tells us if we are patient and pious, the plot of the enemy cannot do any harm, even if he is powerful, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“But if you remain patient and become Al-Muttaqoon (the pious), not the least harm will their cunning do to you. Surely, Allah surrounds all that they do” [Aal ‘Imraan 3:120]

Do you still think you'll go mad? (for sure NOT) and how could you say you've no one to talk? You've the greatest of all powers, you've Almighty Allah. From now on talk to Allah and tell about your problem, Allah will show you ways for sure and you'll see it yourself. Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And your Lord said: ‘Invoke Me [i.e. believe in My Oneness (Islamic Monotheism) and ask Me for anything] I will respond to your (invocation). Verily, those who scorn My worship [i.e. do not invoke Me, and do not believe in My Oneness, (Islamic Monotheism)] they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!’” [Ghaafir 40:60]
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Abu Huraira Radhiallahu ‘anhu narrated that the Prophet Shalallahu ‘alaihi wa Salam. Said, ‘if Allah loves a person, He calls Jibrael (Gabriel) saying,’Allah loves so and so; O Jibrael (Gabriel) love him.’ And make an announcement amongst the inhabitants of the heaven:
“ Allah loves so and so therefore you should love him also, and so all the inhabitants of the heaven would love him, and then he is granted the pleasures of the people on the earth.” Narrated by Al-Bukhari and Muslim.
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“Whoever works righteousness — whether male or female — while he (or she) is a true believer verily, to him We will give a good life (in this world with respect, contentment and lawful provision), and We shall pay them certainly a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do (i.e. Paradise in the Hereafter)” [al-Nahl 16:97]
And remember:
Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) said:
“Du’aa’s and ta’awwudhaat [prayers seeking refuge with Allah] are like a weapon, and a weapon is only as good as the person who is using it; it is not merely the matter of how sharp it is. If the weapon is perfect and free of faults, and the arm of the person using it is strong, and there is nothing stopping him, then he can lay waste the enemy. But if any of these three features is lacking, then the effect will be lacking accordingly.” (al-Daa’ wa’l-Dawaa’, p. 35).
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**ربنا اغفر لنا ذنوبنا واسرافنا فى امرنا وثبت أقدامنا وانصرنا على القوم الظالمين**
“Our Lord! Forgive us our sins and the lack of moderation in our doings, and make firm our steps and secure us against those who deny the truth.”
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اللهم رحمتك ارجوا فلا تكلنى الى نفسى طرفة عين وأصلح لى شأنى كلة لا اله الا انت
Allahumma rahmetuka arjoo, falaa tekilnee elaa nefsee tarfete ayn, wa aslih lee shenee kullahu. Laa ilaaha illaa Anta.
Meaning:
“O Allah I seek Your mercy, so please don’t entrust me to myself –not even for the blinking of an eye- and please resolve all of my problems. There is no god besides You.”
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Allah help you.

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