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assalamualaikum. it is with a heavy heart that i write this email. i am married for a year now but have often been having problems with my inlaws. they had previous problems with feeling like i am taking my husband away from them. they also felt i had certain faults, to which i agree, coming from different backgrounds we will always find minor faults with each other. i however feel these should be overlooked in aid o f building a relationship.

recently i took my husband away for the weekend as i felt he desreved to be spoilt a little and we needed quality time. my mother inlaw phoned me when we got back accusing me of taking her son away from her. if we do not spend weekends with them they throw a fit saying how we are not there for them and i want to keep her son away from her. this is bearing in mind we join them for supper every friday night. if my family visit it has to stay a secrect else becomes a problem and she fights with my husband saying his found a new family.

she also phoned my aunt to complain about me and my family, when Allah is my witness i am by nature quiet and stay out of anyone's way. they have accused me of sleeping with my husband before marriage, doing black magic on my husband, they say when they see me they see evil, they have called ugly names that you would call a prostitute. also curesed us that we would never have children and that our car would be written off.also told my husband that i keep things away from him.

all of this continues all the time with the result i have terrible anxiety attacks that it affects my health and wellbeing and the doctor has asked that i try and relax before ending up on medication.

before i got married my sister inlaw spoke to me and told me how i should make dua all goes well with my marriage and behind my back sent messages to my husband to say he should not choose me over them. with the result i cannot trust them at all. they keep accusing me of lying when in fact i have not said a word to them about any of this i have just tried to brush it off, hence i have been feeling sick.

would i be correct from an islamic point of view to stay away from them from while so that i may gain strength mentally and emotionally as i have never been exposed to such behaviour from family before. besides me they curse and swear at my husband as well. this is foreign compared to the family i grew up in. i would in no way keep my husband from seeing his faily and infact encourage him to make sure he keeps contact with them.

broken soul

Answer
This is indeed a sad story and many like yourself face this abuse from in laws on the context that the son belong to the mother even after marriage although there is no evidence from the religion. You have every right to your husband and this abuse has to stop. You either le them know that you will tolerate this and let your husband stand up or you leave him and let him face the reality of losing you. She has no right to abuse you and this is sinful and haram on her part.  

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Imam Habeeb

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Being an Educator of Islamic Studies and Interfaith discussions for the past 25 years and having authored seventeen books and numerous articles on Islam - I think I can answer questions on Islam and other religions and issues of the Hanafi jurisprudence as well as general questions on Quran and Sharia. Love, sex and marital problems are some such topics! This is an independent volunteering service and not under any organizational banner that I may be affiliated with. My book- Intimacy and the Sacred talks about Sex and Muslims. http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000463374

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I have helped thousands of people who are troubled both in life experiences and lack of proper Islamic knowledge.

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Latest book Five White Roses and A Red a book of Poetry dedicated to my mother.

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www.whispersofkaieteur.blogspot.ca

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http://www.iuniverse.com/Bookstore/BookDetail.aspx?BookId=SKU-000463374

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Muslims and Non Muslims. I love Interfaith activities.
Youths and issues of generational gap are my areas too. Families under stress.

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