Hi, I am 18 years old (recently turned) and since around 15-16 I have developed a slight interest in men. I think I'm bi-curious but around 9:1 ratio straight since I still love girls (I've been in love with one since I was 15). However; sometimes, especially when I'm alone at home-which is always I tend to have feelings towards men. Anyways, around a year or so ago I had sex with a man (I was top in this case though) and on some occasions I have performed oral on a man. Yesterday, I was going to once again perform oral, but then I cancelled and deleted my email I was using to be in contact with these men because I don't want to be that kind of a person. I have also slept with 3 women without being married to them, which I also greatly regret because now I just wish I'd stayed a virgin since I didn't love them and ended up not enjoying them at all (seriously I can masturbate to women I like better).
I have a few questions, firstly, do you think Allah will ever forgive me? I know right now I don't pray, or really celebrate anything (obviously when I'm older, a bit wiser and have a job and especially a family I will), but in my heart I still truly believe, and try my best to follow most of the other rules. (e.g. I look up if stuff is haram or halal, I follow most of the other rules, I try to be fair and "good" and I seriously regret what I've done.) I know it says that Allah is all forgiving and all, but at the same time it also says that he will never forgive someone who has done a homosexual act.
My second question is about masturbation. I know it is haram in Islam but I sort of am addicted to it. So even though it's haram, it's helped me to keep in control from doing other things such as adultery or homosexual acts in quite a few occasions, so if I do it-especially when I have those thoughts, is it really that bad? It can't be as bad as the actual deed can it? Also, I've only done anal masturbation about twice, but would that be considered sodomy? No one else was involved.
My last question is a bit different. What do you think of the Assassins? I've recently become very interested in them; do you think they were true Muslims? And in your opinion do you think that the Shi'ah are the true Muslims or the Sunni? I think I'm supposed to be a Sunni-I don't really know.
Allah forgive all sins and homosexual acts is one of those.
Allah allows masturbation.
I don' t much about them but skating Imam Hussain is a big sin.
Sunni are closest to the mainstream Islam which us the majority and both have foundations of truth.