Islam/Husband have illegal relations
i am Tasneem from PAKISTAN, belongs to a Muslim family,i am married for the last 4 years,i have 2 daughters,my problem is that my husband have illegal relations with others women before the marriage and still he is doing that after our marriage and children,someone has told me that now we do not have our Nikah still between us and the relations of husband and wife is now HARAM between us,is it true? i wanted to conform this because i m just leaving with him because of my daughters,i have no place for him in my heart but this is only because of my children that i m still leaving with him,kindly reply me as soon as possible,
After 10 years of marriage and permissible love, and 4 children, my husband has fallen in love with a woman whom he got to know through the Net. She is one of the devils of mankind and has changed our lives. In brief, he has become like a slave to her, she tells him what to do and what not to do, and he has to obey. She has turned my life and my children’s life into hell. He refuses to repent, especially since he is not married to her, because she refuses to get married. I have been divorced and there is one talaaq divorce left. I am living with him but he is always with the other woman even when he is in the house, via the mobile phone and the Net. When I see him talking to her in front of me and not caring about my feelings, I feel as though fire is burning me and I have nowhere to turn except to Allaah, and I complain to Him of my grief. For two years I have been tasting the bitterness of patience whilst they are living with love and ecstasy as he says and as I see him. Will it ever end and will I suffer this torment forever? I pray to Allaah the Almighty for forgiveness and I pray to Him night and day but I see that nothing happens to her, she is like a mountain that will never collapse. I am caught between my husband’s mistreatment and his love for another right before my eyes. I feel that I am no longer a human being and I think that I have lost all trust in anything. What should I do? Pray to Allaah to save me from this and to make my faith steadfast and to protect me from their evil and their arrogance…. Ameen.
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to grant you relief from your distress and to increase your faith and steadfastness.
What you have mentioned about your husband’s actions is something reprehensible with which Allaah and His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) are not pleased, and of which His righteous slaves do not approve.
Romantic relationships between men and women are not allowed, and it is clearly haraam, whether that is via the internet or over the phone, or otherwise. If it goes beyond that to meetings and immoral actions, then this is the essence of doom.
Were it not for this ecstasy that your husband is experiencing, he would feel pain, alienation and confusion, which is what is usually felt by the sinner who persists in his sin.
Do not believe that he is living a life of pleasure and enjoyment, rather it is intoxication, negligence and a drifting away from Allaah, as Allaah says concerning those who commit immoral actions (interpretation of the meaning):
“Verily, by your life (O Muhammad), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly”
One of the most abhorrent of actions is when a person commits his sin openly and boasts about it, not caring about the punishment that awaits him. Hence the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly, and part of committing sin openly is when a man does something at night, then in the morning, when Allaah has concealed him, he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord had concealed him all night but he discloses that which Allaah had concealed.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 6069.
You should praise Allaah for protecting you and sapring you, and making you better than women of that ilk. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever sees a person who is afflicted with some trial and says, ‘Al-hamdu Lillaah alladhi ‘aafani mimma abtalaaka bihi wa faddalani ‘ala katheer mimman khalaqa tafdeelan (Praise be to Allaah who has spared me that with which He has tested you and has favoured me over many of those whom He has created),’ that trial will not befall him.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (3432) and Ibn Maajah (3892); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
You should note that Allaah gives the evildoer respite until, when He seizes him, He does not let him go, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah gives respite to the wrongdoer until, when He seizes him, He does not let him go.” Then he recited (interpretation of the meaning):
“Such is the Seizure of your Lord when He seizes the (population of) towns while they are doing wrong. Verily, His Seizure is painful (and) severe”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4409; Muslim, 2583.
So you should not be deceived by the fact that this woman continues to do wrong and seems to get away scot-free, for there is no barrier between the prayer of the oppressed and Allaah.
Perhaps you can find some good people who will advise him and remind him of Allaah, even if that is via a Friday khutbah, for example, condemning such haraam relationships and describing the punishments in this world and the Hereafter for those who do such things.
Make a lot of du’aa’ to Allaah, especially at times when prayers are answered, such as the last third of the night, between the adhaan and iqaamah, between ‘Asr and Maghrib on Friday. There is nothing wrong with your making du’aa’ against her because she is an evildoer, but it is better to pray that Allaah will improve your situation.
You have to be kind to your husband and make yourself beautiful for him, for perhaps that woman has captured his heart with kind words that he did not hear from you, or by making herself beautiful when you did not. So try to win him over in that way. And you have to be patient, for this is a test from Allaah by means of which your sins will be expiated and you will be raised in status.
And Allaah knows best.
Dealing With a Cheating Husband
Praise be to Allah.
What the man is doing of having a haraam (an unlawful) relationship with a woman who is not his mahram is a betrayal of the rights of Allah before it is a betrayal of the rights of his wife. The Muslim is bound by a covenant with his Lord, may He be exalted, and what he is required to do is to fulfil that covenant and not break it. Moreover, this is not what the individual is enjoined to do in response to the blessings that his Lord has bestowed upon him. Allah, may He be glorified, has blessed him with good health, well-being and a wife and children, either now or soon, in sha Allah. The way to show gratitude for these blessings is not to waste this good health and well-being in haraam relationships with non-mahram women, and the way to show gratitude for the blessing of the wife and children is not by neglecting them and breaking ties with them. Allah, may He be exalted, has promised to those who give thanks increased blessings and He warns those who are ungrateful for blessings of a severe punishment, as He says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks (by accepting Faith and worshipping none but Allah), I will give you more (of My Blessings), but if you are thankless (i.e. disbelievers), verily! My Punishment is indeed severe”
What appears to be the case in your situation with your husband is that you have a place in his heart; were it not for that he would have hastened to end the marital relationship between you after he found out that you are aware of his haraam relationship with that woman. This is something that should be used to put pressure on him to give up this sin and end that haraam relationship. We think that you should treat him very kindly and do not fall short in treating him kindly; you should also adorn yourself for him, wear your best clothes and create a pleasant atmosphere for him in the house, because he may be missing that altogether or in part. You should also advise him and admonish him, and warn him against continuing to commit haraam actions. You should explain to him what his punishment will be with Allah in the Hereafter, or in the Hereafter and this world; indeed you should warn him that Allah may punish him for such sin with regard to his family, as he may be tested with marriage to a woman, or with having a daughter, who does with men what he is doing with women – what will his reaction be in that case?
We advise you not to let many people know about what your husband is doing, because the basic principle is to conceal sins that are unknown. What we want is that which will help mend his ways, not that which may be taken as a means to continue what he is doing of committing sin.
Fill his time with useful and beneficial things, and do not leave him time when he is alone with his shaytaan! His daily schedule should be full, either with acts of worship such as upholding ties of kinship or attending Islamic study circles, or he should be busy with worldly matters that are beneficial and permissible, such as exercise.
Offer a lot of du‘aa (supplication) for him to be guided and set straight, for the best weapon of the believer is du‘aa’. Strive hard to offer du‘aa’ in the last third of the night and when prostrating.
Finally, if what is mentioned above does not succeed in putting a stop to that haraam relationship of his with that woman, then you have two options:
(i) you can advise him to marry her in accordance with the laws of Allah, may He be exalted, so as to save him and her from this haraam relationship, on condition that his relationship with her has not reached the level of zina (adultery) – Allah forbid – because it is not permissible to advise someone to do something that is haraam, as their getting married will not be permissible until after they repent (from zina).
(ii) Or you can ask for a divorce (talaaq), but start by threatening to ask for it, then if he remains as he is you have the right to seek a way out of the calamity you are faced with by asking for a divorce. The final resort in medical treatment is cautery, as it is said, and despite the pain of this cautery (divorce), it will give you a way out from the distress and anger you are feeling, and it will protect you and your children from the possibility of fitnah (tribulation) because of your husband’s misbehaviour and his haraam relationship, whether that protection has to do with your religious commitment, honour or health.
This is what we can give you by way of advice. May Allah guide your husband and set his affairs straight; we ask Allah to reconcile between you when he is adhering to righteousness and obedience towards Allah.
And Allah knows best.